My poor little guy took a tumble off the bed and into the nightstand. He had to get three stitches.

On a day like today, I have to fight the tendency toward melancholy that seems very much a part of who I am. This gray, waterlogged day invites me to crawl under the covers and hide myself in a warm cocoon. I want to close my eyes and forget the growing list of failures.

On a day like today, I wish I could just cry.

On a day like today, I turn on all the lights and turn up the music. I tap my foot and sway to the rhythm of reluctant optimism. Hope springs new and all that jazz. My stubborn heart is slow to relax and give in to truth.

On a day like today, I am an obedient schoolgirl. I take a deep breath and repeat from memory the words and lessons and facts as I know them. Learned in the sunshine to be recited in the rain.

On a day like today, I remember the one thing that is always true. My God is good. He is patient and kind and loving and good. He is big enough for sad little girls who don’t like the rain and He is wise enough to send it anyway.

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Now playing: Casting Crowns - Praise You In This Storm
via FoxyTunes

I kind of feel like a college student.  Here I am, sitting at my laptop in my school sweatshirt with the hood pulled up over my head, and pajama pants, empty soda cans everywhere to testify to my homework fueled need for caffeine. I’m listening to music entirely too loud, and I’m blogging to procrastinate writing a paper about poetry. Yep. Kind of feels collegiate.

However, the laundry piled up is not just mine. I have four other people’s clothing needs depending on me. For dinner, instead of ordering cheap pizza while I study, I made a meal for my family. Instead of my roommates staying up late to study, too, I have to make sure they take a bath and get to bed by eight thirty. When our whole floor is sniffling and coughing with change of season colds, instead of simply commiserating, I have to help them blow their noses and constantly evade them and their attempts to clean their noses on my sleeve. While my living space is just as messy as your average college student’s, I have an extra load of mommy guilt to go with it. Guilt or not, though, I get permanent grades on history and psychology, and the house will always need cleaned. School takes priority over cleaning, but kids take priority over school. It’s a complicated balance.

Yeah, I kind of feel like a college student.

Kinda.

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Now playing: Matthew West - Every Second
via FoxyTunes

Taking pictures isn’t as fancy as fixing mice, but it’s what I do.

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Now playing: Bethany Dillon - Hallelujah
via FoxyTunes

This morning, I got up early to take Kyra to school. I made time to read my Bible before I left instead of after. It was good stuff, too. Really good stuff. So good, in fact, that you are going to hear about it soon. Then, on the way home, I got to pray the whole way. The boys were home with Chris, so I had peace and quiet on the drive home to talk to Him.

I came home, turned on some awesome music, and then started making myself some breakfast.

Picture this, Friends. Sauted peppers, onions, squash, zucchini,baby spinach, and mushrooms, eggs, canadian bacon, and colby jack cheese wrapped up in a tortilla, and toasted. And…AND…a glass of orange juice. Yes, my friends, breakfast burritos do bring me closer to God.

Can I get an “Amen!”?

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Now playing: Jeremy Camp - In Your Presence
via FoxyTunes

Wow! What a great trip!

Seriously. It was good. I left at five fifteen Thursday morning, made four quick stops along the 560(?) mile drive to Springfield, Missouri, and arrived at Amy’s apartment at two o’clock their time (three mine). That gave us a great deal of Thursday to spend together, too. It was so cool to pull up to her apartment complex and see my friend outside waiting on me. The fact that I had just drove ten hours with three little kids by myself was not the least of the coolness. I was pretty proud of myself. The kids were excellent, though. They were no trouble at all. Amy laughed at me when she saw that I really did wear my Supermom shirt. What can I say? I really believe in the power of positive thinking.

Thursday evening, I was so excited to get to go to Amy’s Bible study with her. It’s a group of wives of Chaplains, Chaplain candidates, and a couple of the ladies, including Amy, were Chaplain candidates themselves. So, it was a group of women that I felt an instant connection with. They had childcare, so we had some great girls downstairs watching all our kiddos while we got to relax and enjoy the fellowship upstairs. It was really good. I was very blessed by being there. That night, we (of course) stayed up most of the night. That’s what we do, I suppose. Really, though. We have five kids six and under between us. The only quiet time we have to hang out together in peace is when they are sleeping. It was great to spend time with my friend again.

Friday morning, we got up early, on just a few hours sleep, and got everyone ready, took Jeremiah to school, and went to Joy’s church for a women’s group thing. I had talked to Joy on Facebook and heard a lot about her from Amy, but I had not yet met her in person. So, I was so very excited to get to meet her and hear her speak to the women’s group. The service there was awesome. I didn’t know any of the worship songs, but just standing there and enjoying it with all of my sisters in Christ was amazing. Joy was awesome. She spoke about the importance of our words. It was good stuff! Our friend, Aimee, was also there. I had met her once before at Fort Jackson, briefly, and I was so excited to get to see her in person. (Yes, I am claiming all of Amy’s friends. They’re great!) Before we left, we made plans to meet up with Joy and Aimee later on, and went to pick up our kids from childcare. This was a huge, huge church, and they had a highly impressive set up for the kids. It was like Disneyland or something. The kids were in rooms by their ages, and got to go out to the playland which was like a McDonald’s playland on steroids. It was awesome. They had a blast. Elijah’s favorite part, I think, was the tiny little toilet and sink they had in the bathroom. He kept saying, “They have a wittle potty, Mama!”. You should have seen his eyes sparkle over that miniature toilet. Really, it was highly impressive.

Friday evening, we went to Amy’s Seminary for a game night they were having. I enjoyed getting to meet some of Amy’s classmates, and put some faces with names. We didn’t play any games, though. Really, we just ate their food and took advantage of their childcare. We mingled a bit, ate, and then sat in the prayer chapel talking in complete peace and quiet for a long time. We eventually picked up our kids and headed home.

Saturday, we met Joy, Aimee, and Aimee’s cousin, Thomas, at a park, and just hung out while the kids played. We spent the rest of the day hanging out at home.

Sunday, I was so excited to get to go to church with Amy. We dropped all the kids off in their various classes, and got to enjoy the service sans kids. I was highly impressed with Amy’s church. The music was so good. It was contemporary but not crazy. Very worshipful and good. I enjoyed it a lot. They put their drummer in a box, though. Not sure what that was about. (Seriously. He was in a box.) I knew several of the songs, and it was good. The message was by a guest preacher, Bro. George Wood, (who is someone very important in the AG, but I forgot his title), and it was a really good message. I was highly impressed with him. That night, we went back to church, and it was just as good. I really liked Amy’s church a lot. I look forward to going back some time.

Monday, we spent most of the day at home, but took the kids to the park for a little while after picking Jeremiah up from school. That evening, we ordered pizza, and Joy came over for just a little while. It was just such a great time.

The whole trip was so much fun. It was a much needed break, and I came away feeling refreshed. Really, between the conversations with Amy and getting to pray with my friend again and then getting to attend a Bible study, a women’s meeting, and two church services, how could I not come away refreshed? It was so good to be there. I hated to leave. It never seems like enough time. I was excited to get home to my husband, though. Sometimes I feel torn between my two best friends. Really, someone needs to move. I am praying that someday we will be stationed at the same Army post, and I will get to spend as much time with my friend as I want.

Yesterday morning, I got up, packed all my stuff up, Amy fixed me breakfast, and then, after many sad looks and a few dozen hugs goodbye, we pulled out and headed back to Tennessee. The trip was great for most of the way. I only stopped twice between Springfield and Nashville. Things got complicated in Nashville when the ramp to I-40 was completely closed. I had to get off in downtown Nashville, and find my way back to 40 via Chris telling me roads to take over the phone. I ended up spending an hour in Nashville between the waiting on the interstate to get to an exit I could get off at and finding my way back to 40. Really, though, that was a blessing, too. It reinforced what I had learned several times this summer. I am capable.I…the girl who, up until Chris went to Vegas two years ago, was too scared to drive to Knoxville…have drove two trips to Fort Jackson and back, one trip to Florida and back, and now a trip to Springfield and back (all of those with three little kids, mind you!)…and I did fine. I am more competent than I often gave myself credit for. So, I count the hour in Nashville as a blessing.

Elijah spent the rest of the trip home…all the way from Nashville back to Harriman…crying. It was about to drive me crazy. The other kids were asleep, but he just kept crying and crying. Oh, and did I mention it was raining? My nerves were frazzled from the incessant crying, but I made it home safely close to midnight last night. I praise the Lord for safety and that I still have my sanity!

So, yay for friends! Yay for roadtrips! Yay for competence! And yay for arriving home with all children present and accounted for!

Addendum: For all of you grandmother and adoring great aunt types who read my blog searching for any little piece of information about the children and are probably wondering, “But how did the kids do? Did they have fun?”. Well, yes. They did have a good time. However, Amy and I don’t like to admit that our children don’t really like each other very often. So, la, la, la.

Just in case you’re wondering, the Harmons are all alive and kicking. We’ve been so very busy, though. I have thought every day since my last post that I should post something new. I’ve just not had much time, though.

Chris and I are covered up with homework. Chris more so than me. The poor man never gets a chance to relax.

My classes are going well. I stay busy, but my grades are okay. I’m really enjoying my English class. I’m taking Composition II this semester, and it is so awesome. We spent the first several weeks reading and analyzing short stories, and, now, we’ve moved to poetry. Really…when reading poetry is my assigned homework, I am a happy camper. Unfortunately, I also have three other classes that care nothing for poetry. Psychology and Sociology are both very interesting, and Western Civ is okay. Unfortunately for me, I chose poorly when I picked my classes. All four classes require a great deal of reading and homework. This translates to very little time for anything else.

Kyra’s doing well in kindergarten. She’s learning to read! Yay for that!

The boys are also doing well. Owen’s cutting teeth. Pray for me him.

Fall break is next week. For me and Kyra, at least. Chris doesn’t get one. The kids and I are going on a road trip. I have class Thursday night, so we’re going to leave early Friday morning. Please pray for safety and sanity!

So, yeah. We’re still alive.

I was thinking… the message I heard Sunday morning was about the importance of every person in ministry. If any of you guys have been contemplating a ministry that delivers casseroles to tired and overworked students and their poor, sad, frozen food consuming children, well, I could hook you up.

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Now playing: Sanctus Real - Audience Of One
via FoxyTunes

I promised you guys a post about forgiveness about a month ago. I had a whole series of posts planned, and was fleshing them out as I got to each topic. The true burden on my heart was to write about freedom, but there were at least three others after it. Once I wrote and published “Freedom”, though, the burden to write the others was lifted. I guess that was because, for me, forgiveness has been a journey, and there was more I needed to learn before I wrote about it. I find myself here, now, with a burden to write what God has taught me.

This past summer, I was actively seeking after God. I was so thirsty. I needed Him to fill me, because I was running on empty. It seemed like I could only get so far, though. I was running up against a wall. A wall between me and God. A wall of unforgiveness. I built this wall, block by block, over many years. With each thing that hurt me, I grew more bitter toward the one who hurt me…more defensive…and built a wall around my heart. I would pray for God to heal my heart, and He would ask me to take down the wall. This wall had stood between me and God for most of my Christian life. My unwillingness to get rid of it had kept me from growing as a Christian. I felt entitled to my hurt. Justified in my sin.

Day after day, I would pray for God to change me, to fill me, and to heal my heart. I knew, though, that I was holding on to this unforgiveness. I tried to push it to the back of my mind, and get around it some other way. It was there, though. I had to decide what was more important to me…guarding my heart or obeying God. It was so hard. I spent an inordinate amount of time remembering and replaying every little hurt I was holding on to…every way I had been done wrong…defending my right to keep the wall I had built. I felt like if I forgave then I would have to forget, and I knew I could not forget. It was not a matter of forgiving and forgetting, though, but forgiving because I was commanded to. Because I had been forgiven.

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15

I told God that night that I would forgive the person who had hurt me, not because I wanted to, but because He had forgiven me. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but, the very next night, I went to this person and told them I forgave them. I didn’t know what kind of reaction to expect, but the one I received was not what I expected. They didn’t know what I was talking about. I must admit, this hurt.

When I told Amy about what happened, she said something that I will never forget. I actually wrote it in my Bible, so as to never forget it.

“You know… Jesus experiences that pain daily. He offers His forgiveness and humanity looks at Him blankly and says, “What for?”…not knowing how much they have hurt him.”

That quote struck my heart and forever changed the way I think about the subject of forgiveness. It was yet another example of the fact that no matter what pain or hurt or injustice we feel, Jesus has experienced it before us, and He can perfectly comfort us.

It wasn’t received in the way I hoped or expected, but I did what He asked of me. A weight was lifted. I understood that the unforgiveness was no burden on the one I chose not to forgive, but a burden that I alone knew about and carried. Since then, I have had to remind myself many times that I have forgiven, and ask the Lord to again forgive me.

I thought that was the end of my lesson about forgiveness. I was going to write this post, and wrap it up neatly right about here. I just couldn’t seem to write it, though. I believe it was because I had only learned the first part of my lesson. He had more to teach me.

In recent days, as recent as the last several days, I’ve learned that, not only do I need to offer His forgiveness to those around me, but I need to forgive myself. When things get stressful, my first response is to run back to those old habits. I condemn myself. I tell myself that I should be over this by now. I told the whole world that I am free, so why have I returned to my chains…picking them up, wrapping them around me, checking to see if they still fit. It’s a cycle of guilt. I was reminded, though, that I am His, and there is no condemnation in Him.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

He offers forgiveness. He offers strength. I try to do it on my own, and then condemn myself when I fail. The truth of the matter, though, is that I cannot do this on my own. He doesn’t even expect me to. So, when I confess my weakness to him, He doesn’t say, “I already forgave you. You should be over this by now.” No. He says, “I forgive you. I don’t condemn you.” I have learned that I must forgive myself. I can’t continuously beat myself up, telling myself how worthless I am, because He does not condemn me. When God looks at me, He sees Jesus. I cannot live in self condemnation, but I must accept His forgiveness and walk in the knowledge that I can freely accept the pardon He offers and try again.

Forgiveness is not always a one time thing. Sometimes, we are required to forgive over and over. How many times can someone hurt me, though, and I still be required to forgive them.

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”

Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21-22

Doesn’t leave much room to wonder, does it? Whether it is another person or myself who slights me, I must forgive. It’s not optional. It is, however, incredibly freeing.

The last few days have left me hurt and sad. I don’t want my blog to be a battleground, but I want it, in everything, to glorify Jesus. So, if nothing more can be accomplished from the dialog between two sides of a viewpoint, let us learn a lesson about forgiveness. Let us forgive those who hurt us. Let us offer our forgiveness even if they look at us blankly and say, “What for?” feeling they are totally justified in what they said or did. Let us forgive ourselves for being but weak flesh. Let us fall on Jesus and ask Him to use this conversation and these words that may have hurt instead of edified to teach us something. Let us love one another. Let us offer forgiveness and grace all around, because how could we not after He has so graciously offered it to us? Let us seek to grow and honor Him in everything we say and do, even if it’s in an ambiguous Internet world, because, even here, we bear the name of Christ. Let us not disappoint Him in the way we treat our brothers and sisters. Let us love as He loved.

Oh, Lord, let it be so!

My husband’s response to the Anonymous post:

Wow!!! The post below has gotten a lot of attention. I know that this type of comment seems almost mean spirited to a lot of people, but you do need to understand the mindset of the person who wrote this.

The KJV thing is a HUGE issue to some people. Not just a preference, but to them it is a fundamental theological truth which warrants separation from those who do not hold to it. It isn’t only that they think that the KJV is the only Bible that a person should read, but that it is the only Bible that can be called “God’s Word”. Some people even take it to the point of teaching that someone cannot be saved by the reading of any other version of the Bible. This is partly based on a horrible misinterpretation of the following verse:

Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever.
- 1 Peter 1:23

They obviously see modern versions as the “corruptible seed”, thus no salvation possible. Many that hold this view believe that God used the KJV translators to correct the originals which were corrupted. In other words, they were inspired, thus the KJV is absolutely perfect without any error whatsoever. The problem, there is not a single verse of Scripture that would even slightly suggest that God would ever inspire a translation. How do you argue with someone who believes such a thing?

Not all KJV only advocates have this view, but I just used this as an example. Anonymous has probably been taught the KJV via the Textus Receptus position. This argument attempts to show that God has preserved His word through Bible believing Christians throughout the centuries.

The Textus Receptus position opposes textual criticism, the science of examining the variant readings in the manuscripts and applying scientific methods to determine how the original text most likely read. It opposes the use of the older manuscripts that have been discovered since the translation of the KJV. Many scholars believe that these older texts are closer to the original autographs than the line of manuscripts from which the Textus Receptus was compiled, known as the Byzantine line. These scholars believe that scribes, intentionally or unintentionally, have both deleted and added to the original writings in the process of making copies of copies of copies over hundreds of years. Evidence seems to support this due to the large number of variants within the line of manuscripts. Thus, we need to start with the older manuscripts, and utilize textual criticism to find the closest text.

Textus Receptus folk deny the need to restore the original, and say that preservation teaches that God preserved His word through the Byzantine line of texts. They believe that the older manuscripts were corrupted by Gnostics in the early years of the church, and that those manuscripts were put away to never be used again. They believe that the doctrine of preservation must mean that God preserved His word through the churches.

They often quote:

The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times.
Thou shalt keep them, O LORD, thou shalt preserve them from this generation for ever.
- Psalm 12:6, 7 (KJV)

Wow, that proves preservation!!!

No, it says nothing of preservation. Verse 6 speaks of the words of God, but verse 7 speaks of the people discussed in verse 5 and earlier. Check what the early church writers said about this verse and you will see that verse 7 is not to be interpreted to mean the words of God. A modern translation makes this clear (and so does reading the KJV in context):

The words of the Lord are pure words, like silver refined in a furnace on the ground, purified seven times.
You, O Lord, will keep them; you will guard us from this generation forever.
- Psalm 12:6, 7 (ESV)

The fact that this verse doesn’t teach preservation does not mean that the Bible does not teach preservation, because it is taught in other passages. What this example shows is that KJV folk will interpret scripture for their own purpose.

Just because the Bible teaches preservation, does not prove that it is preserved in any particular version. It doesn’t even prove that it is preserved in any particular text. So how do we know which line is preserved? We don’t. One group believes that God used the hand me down method, the other group believes in applying scientific methods to the manuscripts, starting with the oldest. The fact is, the Bible doesn’t say and no man can be sure of anything outside of the word of God.

The Byzantine priority does have much support among scholars. Men like Dean John Burgon of years ago, to men like Pierpont and Robinson, and Farstad and Hodges of today. These men give great arguments in favor of their position, but they cannot prove their position. And more importantly, they do not believe that the KJV is the only translation that is the word of God. They don’t even believe that the Textus Receptus is perfect. Farstad and Hodges published their own copy of the Majority Text, as well as Robinson and Pierpont. They are almost identical, but not exactly.

You see, the Textus Receptus is an eclectic text, compiled by a scholar named Erasmus. Erasmus used the manuscripts he had available to compile the TR. But Erasmus didn’t believe that his new Greek text was perfect. As a matter of fact, he went back and revised it several times. The KJV didn’t even use his final version. As a matter of fact, Erasmus left out many verses you would find in today’s KJV. Actually, the Textus Receptus wasn’t even called the Textus Receptus for many years later. The KJV translators didn’t even use the TR exclusively. Many times they used the Latin Vulgate. Many verses in the KJV agree with the Latin Vulgate. So, what I am saying is that the KJV translators knew that they were not working with a perfect Greek text.

Problems with proving a perfect Greek text is why many people today (often referred to as Ruckmanites) believe that the KJV had to be re-inspired. If you’re going to have a perfect Bible, but can’t prove that the text from which it came is perfect, what do you do? You claim that God made the new translation perfect.

The other issues involve the translations themselves. There are many translations available, most are good, and some are not. There are different techniques used to translate them. They are:

Literal: Almost every word is translated. They can be difficult to read. Examples: Young’s Literal Translation; J.P. Green’s Literal Version

Formal Equivalence: Most words are translated, but some freedom is given to make the text more readable (these are the best for serious study and reading) Examples of FE: KJV, NewKJV, ModernKJV, Easy-Reading KJV, Webster’s KJV, NASB, ESV

Dynamic Equivalence: This is a thought for thought translation. The translators are not concerned with making sure each word is translated (they interpret some of the text for you).
Example: NIV, NLT

Loose: These are merely a paraphrase (and you should stay away from them)
Examples: The Message, The Living Bible

Most modern versions use the text based on the older manuscripts, but some do not. The following versions use the Textus Receptus as their base text, just like the KJV: New KJV, Modern KJV, Easy-Reading KJV.

So you do have options for the Textus Receptus other than the KJV. Also, most modern version will list the Majority Text reading so you will know there is an alternate reading. This should cause you to study and find out why. The New KJV will also note the alternate readings (this does not make it bad, it makes you informed, and informed is a good thing).

The fact is that no translation is perfect. We have today what God wants us to have. If you believe it’s the KJV then good, go read it. But if you believe that other versions are just as correct, good. But separation based on a translation is just plain “silly”.

I could say much more, but my fingers are tired. Buy my book sometime. So in summary:

Generally, when a KJV via Textus Receptus teacher teaches, they will teach their theory as fact. They will never teach the opposing view. The opposing view is slandered and taken out of context. Those who listen to them and believe them are convinced that those who believe differently have been sold a lie of Satan. They often teach that people who use other versions are liberals. They will teach that Modern version readers have not studied for themselves. They will teach that they are in danger of leaving the church, and all sorts of crazy stuff.

Anonymous was not being mean spirited. Anonymous was just concerned for the spiritual life of Rachel. Anonymous was doing what he/she thought was right. Sometimes the way we do things are not always right. Many times what we want to say will come across wrong to the receiver. It’s okay though. Rachel and Amy are all grown up. They’ll be okay.

And I haven’t seen Rachel happier in years, and her relationship with the Father is closer than I have ever seen it. So, if she changed, rejoice with her. Our life is supposed to be one of conformity, and growth. She hasn’t left God, she has gotten closer than ever. She hasn’t gotten more worldly, she has became more like Christ.

Praise Jesus!!! Hallelujah!!! Amen!!!