On the way home from taking Kyra to school today, I was looking at the beauty all around me. Blue, cloudless skies. Budding trees. White, yellow, and purple blossoms everywhere I looked. And I thought, “It’s kind of ironic to be surrounded by new life while my heart is wrapped up in a new death.”

This morning, as I was up getting ready to take Kyra to school, the kids and I were all eating one of our favorite quick things for breakfast…Muffin Tops.

While eating my muffin top, I was looking at Facebook, and noticed a little ad on the side of the page for a different kind of muffin top…

Kinda took a little bit out of my enjoyment of my yummy breakfast treat. Cruel irony.Stings a little. Thanks for that, Facebook.

I appreciate everyone’s comments to my last couple of posts. It means a lot. I mostly appreciate your prayers. I certainly need them.

The last few days have been hard. I think I’ve ran the gamut of emotions. I began really, physically miscarrying on Friday, and I was unprepared for the intense emotions that brought with it. Saturday was particularly hard, because I had to take the kids to their Awana banquet. I wanted to be in bed, not socializing at a church event. The kids really wanted to go, though, and Chris was working, so I had to take them. The hardest part was having to repeatedly tell people that I lost the baby. I kind of dropped the ball in updating people as to what had happened, and my wonderful church people didn’t know. I’ve found the telling to be excruciating.

My mom took the kids after the banquet on Saturday, and they spent the night with her and stayed with her till Sunday night. I had intended to catch up on some of the housework and schoolwork that I had gotten so behind in, but, instead, I went to sleep. I slept all day Sunday. I think I may have been awake for about two hours the whole day, and then maybe an hour and a half before going to bed when Chris and the kids came home. Amy wins best friend of the whole universe award for calling me yesterday morning and forcing me to wake up and get off the couch. I was trying my best not to, but Amy knew I had a test that had to be taken by noon. She even dealt with me getting a little mad at her for it.

I caught a break yesterday when my professor had put the date in wrong, and the test, which was supposed to be open till noon, had been closed at midnight. I emailed her, and she opened the test up until noon today. I had been planning on taking the test having not read any of the material. The class is online, and the tests are untimed and open book. I was going to just do my best, having not read any of the four textbook chapters the exam covered. With the extra time, I read all four chapters over the course of the day, and took the exam last night. Even after reading the chapters, I still only made an 89. I’m so thankful for the extra time. Next up is a paper for Western Civ. It was due last week, but my professor gave me mercy in regards to my situation. I need to get it written quickly, though. I have absolutely zero desire to do so.

I’m kind of a mess. Emotionally, I’m very up and down. I can go from feeling very normal and somewhat happy to being completely sad and upset the next. Physically, most of the actual physical effects of the miscarriage have lessened or went away, but I have had a lot of intense leg pain. It drives me crazy. The drugging up Sunday that led me to sleep all day was largely due to the insane pain in my legs. They didn’t bother me much yesterday, but they are killing me today. I’ve also been sick to my stomach for the past two days. I feel pretty yucky right now.

One of the hardest parts of this whole thing is that the rest of the world has the audacity to keep on living. I really just needed everything to come to a grinding halt and let me sleep for a week and get better. Instead, Chris has to keep going to work, the kids keep on needing cared for, my schoolwork keeps on needing turned in, and, apparently, the house keeps on generating mess, just on an accelerated schedule. It’s all overwhelming. I need everything to just stop and give me a few days. I cleaned the main living areas of the house Saturday before my mom came to get the kids, and it was clean until they got home Sunday night. Yesterday, while I did schoolwork all day, they made quite the mess. Today, I could get caught up on more schoolwork or clean up a bit, but there is no way I can do both. Honestly, I have no desire to do either, and I feel quite incapable of doing anything but lying on the couch. I feel so sick.

I am so very thankful that this semester is almost over. I only have like three weeks left. I am taking the summer off, and I intend to relax and enjoy it. Next semester, I don’t know what I will take. Chris will still be in school, and I will be, for the first time, homeschooling Kyra, so I don’t intend to overload myself with my own schoolwork. For the summer, though, we will take it easy.

I think I need a break.

Things have been quiet here at Nothing Gold recently. I’m sure you’ve noticed. I have been busy, as usual, but I’ve had a lot of heavy stuff going on in my life, as well. It’s hard to write family update stuff…or post random pictures…or whatever else when life gets particularly complicated. It’s hard to write about trivial stuff, when you’re trying not to reveal things that make you feel vulnerable. So, I’ve decided that I should just quit trying. Transparency is a big deal to me. My posts from this past summer show that. I really do believe that God can work in our transparency. So, I guess this post is about what has been going on during the silence here on my blog.

Life really has been busy. Chris spent a week in Albuquerque for work, and I took a trip to Springfield to visit Amy a couple of weeks ago. I’ll post later about my trip, for those of you who care. Elijah had a birthday. I can’t believe he’s four already. We had a small party for him the Saturday before Chris and I left on our trips. I’ll post a separate post with birthday photos, as well. The kids are all doing well. Owen’ s talking more, and my days are filled with his, “Mama? Mama!”. Kyra’s reading now, and doing well in school. They are most happy when they are all playing together. I’m so blessed.

The day before I left on my trip to Springfield, I got a horrible phone call. I’ll not go into all of the details in this public forum, but one of my little brothers almost died. It was a horrid day. I got a phone call from my mom. She was crying. My brother, Jason, who is stationed in another state, was missing. No one knew where he was. When they found him, he was almost dead. They said two more minutes and he would have been gone. I took the kids to my mother-in-law’s, and then went to my mom’s house. Everyone was upset, obviously. Me and my sister-in-law went to pick my youngest brother up at school, and I had to tell him about Jason. It was kind of heartbreaking. For any of you who have dealt with suicide/attempted suicide, I’m sure you can imagine the wide range of emotions. This whole situation kind of consumed our whole family for a while. My brother is alive, though, and getting the help that he needs. For that, I am thankful. I wish you would all pray for him. He is a Marine, and he served in Iraq about a year or so ago. For any of you who know him and would like to send him a card, send me an email, and I will get the address to you. I know it would mean a lot to him to know you care.

Two days after I came home from Springfield, I got up on Easter morning, and took a pregnancy test. I was so excited. It was positive. It wasn’t long, though, before I realized that something wasn’t right. I went to the doctor on Monday, and he told me it looked like I was having a miscarriage. I went back on Thursday to have more blood work done. My levels had went up, but not enough for the doctor to be very optimistic. I went back today to have my levels checked again. I should find out the results tomorrow.

The not knowing has been really hard on me. I have been up and down…mourning and hoping…not really sure what is going on. I already love this baby so much, but I’m not even sure if the baby is still here. It’s really hard not knowing.

So, in the silence on the blog, I’ve been wrestling with a lot of things. Not sure what I wanted people to know, and what made me too vulnerable. I’m not the kind of person, though, who’s good at keeping quiet about things that affect me so greatly. I am kind of an open book, for the most part. Until the last day or two, I’ve only told a few close friends who were praying with me. I decided last night, though, that if I am truly going to be transparent on this blog, in a way that people could feel connected with me, I can’t stay silent about such a huge thing in my life. I have run the gamut of emotions since last Sunday. I have been desperately, heartbreakingly sad, angry at God for letting me go through this, hurt at God that He would possibly take my baby from me, repentant over those feelings, hopeful that my baby is still here, and back and forth, so forth and so on. It’s exhausting. I pretty much spent last week sleeping. On Saturday, I finally found a measure of peace. If I am to go through this, regardless of the outcome, I want to glorify God. If there is a lesson to be learned, I want to learn it. If there is someone to be helped in the future by my experience, well, even when I really don’t want to go through it for the sake of being able to minister in the future, I can see that I would probably consider it worth it down the road. I’m not really there yet, to be honest, but I am able to see that someday I will be.

Regardless of what happens, I know that God is with me. Even when I can’t feel his presence, I know that He is still with me, because He has promised to never leave me or forsake me. He will get me through this. I will be okay.

I guess this excerpt from an email I sent to my friends who have been praying with me says it best:

I just wanted to thank you all for your prayers for me and my little one. I’m doing okay. Yesterday evening/night was hard. I tried to journal…tried to pray…cried some. I felt very alone. Chris was at work, Amy’s not here, and all of you guys are so far away. I was in a sad, sad state. Today, though, I’m doing better. Amy and I prayed a long time this morning, and it has really helped. I’ve had a hard time feeling God through all of this, but He met with me today. I feel like I’m okay now, whatever the outcome. Chris prayed with me yesterday before we went to the u/s, and reminded me that God knew the end before we knew the beginning. He knows how much I want this baby, and, if He takes…or has already taken…my baby to Heaven, well, I know He’ll be with me. Chris read a psalm to me in the waiting room at the hospital yesterday…Psalm 77…told me about how the Psalm writer felt like God wasn’t with him and didn’t hear his cries, how he started to think maybe God was never there, how he then began to remember what God had done for him and brought him through, and then how he began to praise God. It really meant a lot to me. That’s where I’ve been. I’ve felt like God wasn’t with me and didn’t care what I was going through, but then I began to remember all the things he’s brought me through and all the things he’s done for me in the past year, and I have to trust that He has a plan. Obviously, I still want my baby and I’m clinging to the hope that the baby’s still alive, but I know that, even if God’s answer is no, He will hold me up. My attitude has changed dramatically. I want to honor God in this. Thank you ladies for praying for me. For encouraging me to keep the faith and turn to God. I’m going to do that. I want him to be glorified in my pain. If I have to go through this, I want God to somehow use it. I was reminded of a video that has really challenged me in the past. It helped me to watch it today. I want God to be glorified.

Here is the video that I mentioned in the email:

I write this scattered post and insert the section from my email just to show where I am. Where I’ve been. I don’t know how much I’ll want to write about this in the future, but I needed to at least explain what has happened and where I’m coming from. I get results from today’s blood work sometime tomorrow. I would appreciate your prayers. I still have hope.I don’t know what the end result of all of this is. Several people have prayed that God would grow me through this. I’m sure that some sort of growth is inevitable, if I resist the urge to hide under the covers and not deal with it. Hopefully, I’ll be able to share my journey with you, and maybe it will mean something to someone. Above all, I want God to be glorified.

Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

For I, the Lord your God,
hold your right hand;
it is I who say to you, “Fear not,
I am the one who helps you.” Isaiah 41:13

I promised you guys a post about forgiveness about a month ago. I had a whole series of posts planned, and was fleshing them out as I got to each topic. The true burden on my heart was to write about freedom, but there were at least three others after it. Once I wrote and published “Freedom”, though, the burden to write the others was lifted. I guess that was because, for me, forgiveness has been a journey, and there was more I needed to learn before I wrote about it. I find myself here, now, with a burden to write what God has taught me.

This past summer, I was actively seeking after God. I was so thirsty. I needed Him to fill me, because I was running on empty. It seemed like I could only get so far, though. I was running up against a wall. A wall between me and God. A wall of unforgiveness. I built this wall, block by block, over many years. With each thing that hurt me, I grew more bitter toward the one who hurt me…more defensive…and built a wall around my heart. I would pray for God to heal my heart, and He would ask me to take down the wall. This wall had stood between me and God for most of my Christian life. My unwillingness to get rid of it had kept me from growing as a Christian. I felt entitled to my hurt. Justified in my sin.

Day after day, I would pray for God to change me, to fill me, and to heal my heart. I knew, though, that I was holding on to this unforgiveness. I tried to push it to the back of my mind, and get around it some other way. It was there, though. I had to decide what was more important to me…guarding my heart or obeying God. It was so hard. I spent an inordinate amount of time remembering and replaying every little hurt I was holding on to…every way I had been done wrong…defending my right to keep the wall I had built. I felt like if I forgave then I would have to forget, and I knew I could not forget. It was not a matter of forgiving and forgetting, though, but forgiving because I was commanded to. Because I had been forgiven.

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15

I told God that night that I would forgive the person who had hurt me, not because I wanted to, but because He had forgiven me. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but, the very next night, I went to this person and told them I forgave them. I didn’t know what kind of reaction to expect, but the one I received was not what I expected. They didn’t know what I was talking about. I must admit, this hurt.

When I told Amy about what happened, she said something that I will never forget. I actually wrote it in my Bible, so as to never forget it.

“You know… Jesus experiences that pain daily. He offers His forgiveness and humanity looks at Him blankly and says, “What for?”…not knowing how much they have hurt him.”

That quote struck my heart and forever changed the way I think about the subject of forgiveness. It was yet another example of the fact that no matter what pain or hurt or injustice we feel, Jesus has experienced it before us, and He can perfectly comfort us.

It wasn’t received in the way I hoped or expected, but I did what He asked of me. A weight was lifted. I understood that the unforgiveness was no burden on the one I chose not to forgive, but a burden that I alone knew about and carried. Since then, I have had to remind myself many times that I have forgiven, and ask the Lord to again forgive me.

I thought that was the end of my lesson about forgiveness. I was going to write this post, and wrap it up neatly right about here. I just couldn’t seem to write it, though. I believe it was because I had only learned the first part of my lesson. He had more to teach me.

In recent days, as recent as the last several days, I’ve learned that, not only do I need to offer His forgiveness to those around me, but I need to forgive myself. When things get stressful, my first response is to run back to those old habits. I condemn myself. I tell myself that I should be over this by now. I told the whole world that I am free, so why have I returned to my chains…picking them up, wrapping them around me, checking to see if they still fit. It’s a cycle of guilt. I was reminded, though, that I am His, and there is no condemnation in Him.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

He offers forgiveness. He offers strength. I try to do it on my own, and then condemn myself when I fail. The truth of the matter, though, is that I cannot do this on my own. He doesn’t even expect me to. So, when I confess my weakness to him, He doesn’t say, “I already forgave you. You should be over this by now.” No. He says, “I forgive you. I don’t condemn you.” I have learned that I must forgive myself. I can’t continuously beat myself up, telling myself how worthless I am, because He does not condemn me. When God looks at me, He sees Jesus. I cannot live in self condemnation, but I must accept His forgiveness and walk in the knowledge that I can freely accept the pardon He offers and try again.

Forgiveness is not always a one time thing. Sometimes, we are required to forgive over and over. How many times can someone hurt me, though, and I still be required to forgive them.

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”

Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21-22

Doesn’t leave much room to wonder, does it? Whether it is another person or myself who slights me, I must forgive. It’s not optional. It is, however, incredibly freeing.

The last few days have left me hurt and sad. I don’t want my blog to be a battleground, but I want it, in everything, to glorify Jesus. So, if nothing more can be accomplished from the dialog between two sides of a viewpoint, let us learn a lesson about forgiveness. Let us forgive those who hurt us. Let us offer our forgiveness even if they look at us blankly and say, “What for?” feeling they are totally justified in what they said or did. Let us forgive ourselves for being but weak flesh. Let us fall on Jesus and ask Him to use this conversation and these words that may have hurt instead of edified to teach us something. Let us love one another. Let us offer forgiveness and grace all around, because how could we not after He has so graciously offered it to us? Let us seek to grow and honor Him in everything we say and do, even if it’s in an ambiguous Internet world, because, even here, we bear the name of Christ. Let us not disappoint Him in the way we treat our brothers and sisters. Let us love as He loved.

Oh, Lord, let it be so!

I received a comment yesterday on my previous post that never made it past moderation. When I read it, it was like a punch in the stomach. I thought of little else for the rest of the day. At first I was so very hurt. Then I was confused. Then angry. Then hurt again. I don’t understand why, on a post about my friends, someone wanted to leave this comment:

Rachel, the things you say are so touching. Its great that you have such a good friend as Amy. Although I feel as if you have changed in many ways since you have had this friendship. I feel as if you have changed your mind on many different issues. The KJV for instance. Maybe you should be a little more careful when it comes to being so easily influenced. I am praying for you. I am praying that you will stay strong, and remember the things you have learned ever since sunday school. You cannot separate God and HIS Word.

The given email address, of course, did not work, so I couldn’t reply privately. I don’t think a private reply was wanted, anyway, since this person commented on a post instead of contacting me through the contact form. So, Anonymous, here is your reply:

My friend…from the tone of your comment I assume we must have at one time been friends…I am sorry if I have offended you in some way. I have tried to be very deferential on my blog, knowing, of course, that my views on certain subjects differ from a lot of my friends and family. I assume that it is understood, though, that my views are just that…my views. I have not tried to push them on anyone, persuade them to believe as I do, or change anyone’s mind in any way. This is my personal blog, though, and I feel I have the right…and responsibility…to be honest.

I have tried to be honest…transparent, if you will…but I have also tried to be respectful of the views and positions held by my church family. We don’t see every issue the same way, so I tried not to to be troubling, because I love them and would never want to hurt them. The problem with that, Anonymous, is that you have gotten a very misguided idea of the change that has occurred in my life. I hope this reply will help clear things up.

First of all, since you mentioned the KJV issue, I need to clear that up. Mine and Chris’ stance on this issue has changed, not because of my impressionability and a new friend, but rather as the result of several years of study, prayer, and an open-minded approach. While we don’t always read the KJV for our own personal reading and Bible study, we still memorize from it, and are happy to use it at church. We don’t have a problem with using it at all, however I’ve been greatly helped and encouraged by reading the ESV. Since that is the version I read from, I felt it would be dishonest and a little silly for me to switch the verses I posted to the KJV, especially since half of my readers are not even aware that there is a KJV controversy. When questions arose before, maybe I should have done a better job explaining things. I assure you, though, that this change had already occurred and was firmly held before I ever even met Amy.

Secondly, I have tried very hard to think of what some of the “many ways” I have changed are, and what the “many issues” I’ve changed my mind on could be. Without any way to contact you, Anonymous, I can only guess. Could it be my mentions of Contemporary Christian Music? I know there are a lot of people I love who don’t think I should listen to it, but I just don’t agree. I understand that you may feel differently, but I just don’t believe there is any Scriptural reason that I cannot listen to this music. It was one of the main things that started turning my heart back towards the things of God after I had let it grow cold and hard. It has encouraged me, helped me, cheered me, and strengthened me over the last several months.

Could it be that my best friend is from a different denomination? Does it bother you that our friendship is not bound by denominational differences? I’m sorry if it offends you, but we will just have to disagree about that. It seems you think I am hopelessly impressionable, but I really do have a mind of my own. It’s true that Amy and I may have some theological differences, but we are okay with that. She does not try to sway my beliefs, and I do not try to change hers. You know what I’ve learned, though? We are not so different as you might imagine. We are, after all, closely related, having the same Father and all.

My friend, if there are any other issues that maybe I’ve not thought of, please feel free to contact me through the contact link. I would be happy to further explain my positions, opinions, or clear up any unanswered questions for you if you like.

Thirdly, while I welcome your comments and questions, I was hurt that you chose to publicly write these things on a post about my friends. Anonymous, I am trying to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you did not mean to hurt me, but I just don’t see what your comment has to do with what was posted. To imply that Amy has not been a worthy friend for me…well, to be honest, that hurt me deeply and it hurt her as well. If only you knew what a gift from God Amy’s friendship has been. She has stood with me these past few months, and my life is forever better because of it. I know you’ve only got to hear bits and pieces and see a photo here and there. You don’t have a complete picture of what has went on with us. For this reason, Anonymous, I’ll try to break it down.

What Amy Cannot Be Blamed For:

• My reading of the ESV
  (This one is all on Chris and God.)
• My music
  (This one is all me. I was enjoying it before I ever even met Amy.)
• My open-minded consideration of the world around me
  (This one is just a new realization that I can actually think for myself.)

What Amy Can Be Blamed For:

• I’m not lonely anymore.
• I laugh a lot more.
• My Scrabble skills have been honed.
• My use of the word “crazy” before pretty much anything. For instance: “crazy cool”, “crazy beautiful”, and “crazy hungry”.
• I know what it’s like to have someone pray for me when I’m having a hard time.
• I have someone to talk to about things husbands aren’t interested in.
• I get to talk to a crazy cute little five year old girl on the phone almost daily.
• Last, but not least, I remember what friendship feels like.

Anonymous, I hope this will clear up any misunderstandings. I appreciate your concern for me, and I thank you so much for your prayers. I definitely need prayer, and I will gratefully accept. I do need strength. I need strength to hold to the blessing God has given me, and to not be afraid of those who think I’m wrong.

Pray for me, Anonymous, and I will pray for you.

Nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day. II Timothy 1:12b (KJV)

I have more to write in my Transparency series of posts, but I am going to take a bit of a break. It may sound silly, but, after my last post, I feel incapable of writing more heavy stuff right now. So, bear through some fluffy stuff, and I’ll be back with a post on Forgiveness in a few days.

—————-
Now playing: Third Day - I Can Feel It
via FoxyTunes

Thanks, Everyone, for your comments and input on my last post.

I guess, if we all agree that we should live transparent lives, the next question is, “Do we have the courage to be transparent.” I know some of those who commented do, because I’ve been reading their blogs.

Jenn, you should know that your recent post about what you’ve been dealing with was what encouraged me to write about this topic. I appreciate you, and I appreciate your vulnerability. I really believe that God is using you to help people going through similar situations.

My prayer is that we will surrender our pride and our concern for what people think, and just listen to Him and follow His prompting. Has God prompted you to be transparent? The more transparent we are, the more God’s grace can be shown in our lives.

What does He want you to do?

Are you real? Is what people see the real you?

I’ve been asking myself these questions lately. We spend so much of our lives trying to show people what we want them to see, that sometimes we never let them see who we really are.

Does that matter? What about in the lives of Christians? Does it make any difference if we put up an attractive front to impress people?

Lately, I’ve come to the conclusion that it does matter. We are important to one another. Like it or not, we often take our cues from those around us. When it seems like every other Christian we know is leading a perfect life, it makes us feel as if we are somehow inadequate…not good enough to have reached the place where we have everything together. Then we beat ourselves up. We must be doing something wrong. We must not be as good of a Christian as everyone else. If we were not somehow lacking, wouldn’t we be as happy as everyone else?

I’ve recently come to realize something, though. What you see is not always what is real. People don’t really have everything together. They are flesh and blood just like me. They have hard times, they have low times, and everyone has their stuff that they struggle with. Everyone has stuff. Everyone! Your stuff may be different than mine…it probably is. You may deal with yours better than me, or maybe I deal with mine better than you. When it gets down to it, though, we all live in a fallen world, we are all human, and we all have stuff.

So, what? Why does it matter if we paste on a smile and give everyone a perception that our lives are what we wish they were? Shouldn’t that inspire them? Shouldn’t they want what we’ve got if it seems like we have got it all together? Well, maybe. Or, maybe, other Christians would be more encouraged if we lived a life so transparent that we could see each other’s struggles and know that we are not alone? Life can be hard. It’s not long, but it is hard. It shouldn’t be lonely, too. Jesus didn’t intend for us to be lonely within our churches. He meant for us to encourage each other. He meant for us to support one another. He didn’t intend for the church to be a group of people who met three times a week to impress each other with how much they had it all together.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:23-25

How can we stir up one another to love and good works? By being together. By encouraging one another. More and more as days pass, we need each other. We need to be real with each other. Feeling alone does no one any good. Feeling like you are the only one with that thing that you have struggled with for so long doesn’t help anyone. It’s so unnecessary.

What about our testimonies? Shouldn’t we deal with our struggles privately, and just let others see that God is taking care of us? Shouldn’t we show them a neat and tidy life so that they would be encouraged that their lives could be that way, too? Well, maybe, but what if that’s not the best way? What if we just lived our lives transparently? By that, I mean living our lives as an open book? Wouldn’t it be more encouraging to someone, first of all, to see that they are not alone. They are not the only one that still struggles. Often, it seems like salvation is a magic pill. Once you take it, your life is all better. When it doesn’t work that way, we wonder what’s wrong with us that it didn’t fix everything. It is isolating to think you are the only one. Secondly, if we had been watching someone’s life…if we knew about what they were dealing with…and then we saw how God worked in their lives, well, how could that not be encouraging?

Aren’t we supposed to be strong, though? Aren’t we supposed to put our best foot forward? If salvation is not the cure all for what’s wrong in our lives, why would anyone want it?

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. II Corinthians 12:9

Paul wrote that verse after talking about something in his life that he had repeatedly asked God to take away. He didn’t want to have to deal with it, but it was there. The verse above was written in acceptance of this thing that he had to live with. He came to the conclusion that even though he had to live with this thing, not only would he accept it, but he would be glad about it. Why? Because he knew that through our weaknesses, God’s strength would be made all the more apparent. From that, I conclude that if we just put on a happy face and show people a sanitized picture of who we are, all they get from it is an appreciation of our own strength. Living transparently, though, allows them to see Christ’s strength in our lives. Letting them see the real struggles of real people also allows them to see the real power of a real Savior.

Could we handle it? Could we handle Christians being real?

**I really would like to know everyone’s thoughts on this post. If you are reading this post, please post your thoughts in the comments. i would really appreciate it.

My summer is over. Finished. Done.

Amy’s gone, Kyra’s been in school for a week, Chris’ classes start tomorrow, and I have to be at school at eight in the morning for some mandatory freshman experience thing. It’s really kind of irritating, since I have already attended two semesters there. Oh, well. My classes start on Monday. I have a psychology class on Monday nights and Comp II on Thursday nights. Plus, three web classes. I’m really looking forward to school, but, for once, I’m kind of sad to see the summer end. When I was a kid, I was always ready for school to start. Call me a nerd, but I loved school. I still do, when we’re not talking about math. I do have another math class this semester. Hopefully, it won’t be as stressful as the last one.

I’m looking forward to what this semester is going to bring. I’m looking forward to meeting new people. I am looking forward to the classes themselves. I am taking three classes that I’m really excited about, and one more that will probably be interesting. And then there’s the math class…but I’m not going to dwell on that. All in all, though, I’m excited about what the next few months hold for me, and terribly expectant. I expect the Lord to do big things in my life. How could I not? He’s been doing crazy cool stuff for me lately.

Excited and expectant…what a way to start the semester!