When I asked if anyone had any questions for me, I was not surprised to get the following question, because I assumed there are a lot of people who have wondered about the changes in my life over the last couple of years. It was such a complicated question, though, that I decided to take a completely separate post to answer Cassandra’s, a loyal reader of at least a couple of years, question. She asked…

The last few years, I have been reading your blog, and when I first started, we had a ton in common. We were both at independent fundamental Baptist churches, we had children in ACE ( I think you used to have Kyra in one-maybe I am mistaken about that) schools, we stayed home with our kiddos, both wore skirts all the time, etc. etc… Now, we still have alot in common- (our ages, our kiddos, our mommyness moments) but alot has changed for you! I’ve witnessed alot in your life the last couple of years. Starting up your schooling again, going to a different church, your husband’s change in vocation, leaving behind alot of the fundamentalist ideas…so, I am just curious. What started it all? Do you still consider yourself an independent Baptist? I am not condemning your choices in any way, I am just curious about the journey that you have started on. Was there a defining moment when you decided you wanted to do things differently, or did it slowly happen?

I guess the question to answer first would be, “What started it all?”

About three and a half years ago, we were members of an Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB), King James Version (KJV) only church. This meant that the church believed that the KJV was the only translation of the Bible that was in fact the Word of God. They accept no other translations for English speaking people. Our church was pastored by a wonderful man who happened to preach quite often in many churches around the country about the KJV only doctrine. This meant that we heard it preached on a lot. Over time, Chris began to doubt the accuracy of this KJV only doctrine because of inconsistencies in the arguments that the proponents presented, and, because it was such a big deal in our church, he decided to study it for himself. When he informed me of his intentions, I actually tried to persuade him not to. I knew what the consequences would be if he came to the conclusion that it was a false doctrine.

Shortly after he began to look into it, we made the decision to leave the church that we attended to go to a like-minded church where my parents attended. This was actually the church that I grew up in, and the church that my parents attend. It was a much smaller church, and we went there with the hopes of having more opportunity to serve in the church. We really enjoyed going to this new church. The people there were wonderful, loving people who welcomed us with open arms. It was much like “going home” for me, since I grew up there. The pastor had been my youth pastor at the previous church, and I loved and admired him and his wife more than they probably knew. We quickly got involved in working at the church…I took over the janitor position until I got pregnant with Owen and wasn’t able to do it anymore, I took over being in charge of the nursery, I occasionally taught a children’s Sunday School class as a substitute, Chris built and ran a church website, and he took over the radio broadcast ministry. It seemed like such a good fit. It felt like family to me.

All during this transition time, Chris was studying the KJV only doctrine, and was sharing all of his studies with me. We had already sat under the teaching of the most well known teacher in our area of this doctrine for years, and Chris read many books both for and against it. I was very nervous about it during that time. It didn’t take much time, before the inconsistencies in the defense of KJV-onlyism  and the seeming poor logic began to become pretty apparent to me. While Chris was passionate about finding the truth about the matter, I wanted him to just let it be, because I didn’t want to have to leave our church and lose my friends. As Chris read sections of books to me, summarized them, and simply talked out the KJV only teachings, I began to see for myself, as much as I didn’t want to, that it just wasn’t adding up. While I was reluctant to admit to it out loud, I no longer believed the KJV only teaching.

Around this time, Chris went to our new pastor, and brought his concerns to him. He told him that he had been studying the subject, and he had some concerns about this teaching. The pastor suggested that Chris quit studying the matter, and just pray about it.  While Chris did pray about it, he also continued studying the matter. We eventually became fully convinced that KJV onlyism was not supported by Scripture, and we began to use other versions of the Bible for our own personal reading…mainly the English Standard Version (ESV).

For a while, this didn’t pose any problems for us, because we hadn’t told anyone of this change. In my own life, simply switching to a more modern translation was dramatically changing my Bible reading experience. Everything seemed so new and fresh…like I was reading all of the familiar stories and teachings for the first time. I really began to grow a lot during this time, and I felt the desire to share what was going on with me on my blog. I wrote a couple of devotional type posts, and then a series of posts about the things that God was doing for me.

The trouble came when I posted Bible verses on my blog from the ESV. It set in motion a series of events that changed my life. I posted the verses, one of my IFB friends read it and called me on the verses not being from the KJV, it became public that Chris and I were no longer KJV only, and some people were understandably upset. We were one of their own, and they saw us as straying from the truth. A few people asked questions or tried to point out in loving ways that I was in error, but an anonymous commenter left a comment on my blog, fearing for my spiritual well being, that prompted Chris to write a guest post on my blog explaining why we had left our KJV only position. You can read that post here, if you like. When this post came to our pastor’s attention, he was very upset with us. He felt that Chris’ explanation on my blog constituted teaching against church doctrines. When he and Chris discussed this at church one night, Chris told him that we were looking for a new church to attend, and he encouraged us to leave sooner rather than later or be in danger of church discipline. That was the last service we attended as members of that church.

I was very hurt by all of this, and, of course, felt responsible. I would find it a blessing at times, and a huge hurt at others. I vacillated between feeling abandoned and set free. I found myself completely separated from all I had ever known. We began attending Trinity Baptist Church, where we still attend. It was healing for me to go there. The people there have become family. They have embraced us, and allowed us to minister where we feel most called. While God was still greatly working in my heart and life, I didn’t blog about it as much, for fear of stirring up trouble again. I felt very disloyal to myself. It was hard to write about what was going on with me, because I was afraid of further offending people or hurting people. That is why there have been so many extended periods of silence on my blog. That is also the reason that the changes in my life over the last couple of years have been kind of mysterious to people who I don’t spend time with in real life. I haven’t talked about them or the reasons behind them, because I was afraid that the people in my life who do still hold to beliefs and standards that I have left behind would be upset with me. I was afraid that they would feel like my choices condemn their choices.

Only in recent days have I come to the conclusion that I cannot live my life this way. I cannot be true to myself and true to my understanding of my purpose in this world by muzzling myself. I believe that Christ came to set the captives free, and I believe that there are people in this world, like me, who have been held captive by religion. My whole world had to get shaken up for me to understand my freedom in Christ. I hope to write much, much more about this in the future.

That is what started it all… the basic story of how we left the IFB churches and KJV only movement that we had been associated  with. Now, I will try to answer the more detailed questions Cassandra asked.

Do we still consider ourselves Independent Baptists? Yes, we do. We attend an Independent Baptist church. However, we are not what many people consider to be Independent Fundamental Baptists. The IFB churches we used to be associated with are characterized by KJV onlyism, women only wearing skirts or dresses, no contemporary music, and separation from those who don’t also follow these beliefs. We now go to a church that is not KJV only, women can wear whatever they want to wear with the emphasis on modesty regardless of what type of clothing it is, and there is no issue made about what type of Christian music you choose to listen to.

My decision to abandon the skirts only practice was simply because I didn’t want to live that way anymore. I found absolutely no Biblical reason that I should continue the practice. I had grown up wearing only skirts, dresses, or culottes as a kid, until I was thirteen. When I was thirteen, my parents let me choose for myself, and I, without hesitation, chose to wear pants. I went back to skirts only when we joined a different church when I was fourteen, and all the other girls only wore skirts. I had the impression that it was really important to God, and that, if I wanted to be right with God and devoted to Him, I had to give up my blue jeans. As time went on, I became less and less happy with that choice. When we left our last church, I asked Chris to allow me to wear pants again. He didn’t want me to at first, because it was the final nail in the coffin. If his wife wore pants, people would certainly consider us to be not a part of their circle anymore. It would mean for sure that Chris would not be asked to preach for anyone, and it drew a definite line in the proverbial sand. I was tired of it, though, and I didn’t want to be different for different’s sake any longer. Buying my first pair of blue jeans in many years was a happy, happy day for me. I felt more like myself than I had in a very long time.

We still have a lot in common, Cassandra. Our daughter did attend the ACE school at our last church, and continued to go to school there for the rest of the year after we no longer attended church there. The reason she quit attending was not because we wanted her to, but because the school closed because most of the church families whose children attended the school put their kids in public school. There were not enough students left to keep the school open. This left us in a spot where we had to decide what to do for our kids. There is one other Christian school in our area that we considered, but it was considerably more expensive and would not be a feasible option financially once we had three children in school at the same time. What we chose to do was to continue using ACE curriculum and homeschool our kids. We stuck with ACE because I went through ACE from pre-school through graduation, and was comfortable with and had confidence in the curriculum.

I also still stay at home with our kids. I don’t have a job outside the home, nor do I intend to get one while our kids are at home. I do go to school, but took off this semester as well as last semester due to Abby joining our family and beginning kindergarten with Elijah. I needed to take time off for that.

More importantly, we both love Jesus. We both want to honor Him and glorify Him in our lives. We both seek to be Godly examples to our children. We both want to be witnesses to His saving grace and unending love. We are sisters in Christ, and I count you as my friend. Thank you, Cassandra, for just asking the questions, and giving me the opportunity to start a conversation that I have wanted to have for a long time.

Thanks to everyone who commented either here on my blog or on Facebook and asked me a question for my very first Q&A. I’m very excited. I realize some of you must have had a hard time thinking of your questions…as evidenced by your questions…but I must assume it was a temporary lack of creativity and not that you don’t think I’m interesting. Surely you’re curious about Rachel Harmon. I know I am! So, for all the questions, I offer a heartfelt thank you. Every contribution to the great Rachel’s Blog Revival is appreciated.

Without further ado, here is the first (of hopefully several as time goes by) Nothing Gold Q&A.

Chris asks, “Who paid for your cool new haircut in the pictures you posted?”
Well, Chris, that would be you. Thank you.

Brandon asks, “Which is your favorite child?”
He also warned me not to say, “all of them”. I’ll do my best to answer this one. I don’t have a favorite child. I know this because if I thought, “Which kid could I live without? If I had to choose one child to lose, which one would it be?” I cannot do it. Sorry, Brandon. However, I do have favorite children at different times. Abby Jo is always very close to favorite child position on a daily basis. She rarely throws temper tantrums about what she has to wear to church on Sunday, goes into a five year old rage and does a crazy caveman fit over being told to go to her room because of freaking out on whichever sibling made her mad, nor does she poop on herself, take off her pull up, and then try to go to the potty by herself, smearing horrible nastiness all over the bathroom. Also, she completely adores me at all times. So, she doesn’t have to do much to be the cutest, sweetest, most easily satisfied child. However, she doesn’t do random acts of service like Kyra does…she doesn’t say, “Mama…” wait thirty seconds, grin from ear to ear, and continue “…I love you!” like Elijah does, and she doesn’t make me laugh till I pee my pants over three year old one liners like Owen does. They all get to be my favorite for unspecified amounts of time. Poop has a lot to do with it.

Haley asks, “What has been the turning point in your life…the moment in which you realized something and it changed how you view the world?”
This is a hard question, not in that I can’t think of such a point, but to think of only one point. I’ve had several of those moments over the last few years. One that stands out to me, though, is the time during my third semester of college when I was taking a Psychology class, a Sociology class, and a History of Western Civilization class all at the same time. It was the perfect storm of getting really ticked off about the way women have been treated throughout history. I started to see a lot of correlation between history and my own life. I was outraged to see that the rest of the country had conceded that women were not second class citizens, but that in my own little religious bubble, in practice, the thought was still pretty prevalent. It was not the rule, but it was also not the exception. I would read about Aristotle teaching that women were inferior in Western Civ, and then see how that thinking was still going strong…if not in teaching, in practice…in my own life. All three classes just coincided with one another, and I started to get kind of upset about it. The people who were confronting me about worrying about me, my family, and my spiritual condition because I had chosen to continue my education, were not helping me to see my thoughts as in error. I felt like they were trying to keep me in “my place”. I remembered that I do have a mind of my own. I do have thoughts and ideas. I have hopes and dreams. I realized one day that I was an adult in the United States of America. I was free to pursue my education. I was free to break away from the pack if the pack was not helping me. I was free not to concern myself with whether or not people wanted me to or not. I was free, and it felt pretty refreshing.

Chris (yes, again) asks, “Which do you like better…chili or potato salad?”

Chili.

Taylor asks, “What do you do with most of your time not spent with the hubby or kids?”

The most honest and concise answer…waste time on the Internet. I read a lot of blogs, spend too much time on Facebook, and chat with friends on gmail. Following that, I talk to Amy on the phone a lot. I don’t really get out much without Chris and the kids, but if I do, it’s usually church related.

Travis asks, “Peanut butter…crunchy or creamy?” and “How do you feel about Goober grape?”

Well, Trav, I like Smuckers All Nautral creamy peanut butter…the kind you have to mix the oil all up with it. It’s the best. I’ve never tried Goober grape, but it seems like something I wouldn’t like too much.

Natasha asks, “So how are the kids? What is everyone into these days? Are you guys still planning to move?”

Tasha, the kids are doing great. Kyra is in 2nd grade, and doing quite well in school. She is into computer games, playing xbox, occasionally blogging, and reading. She loves chapter books these days, especially Junie B. Jones and Ramona. She is a great help with pretty much everything. Elijah is in kindergarten, and he loves it. He’s a fast learner, and very excited to learn. He loves computer games and xbox games, too, but he is especially adept at games of logic. He amazes Chris and I at his ability to do puzzle games that are hard for us to do. Owen is not yet in school, but he sits through kindergarten with Elijah and is learning his letter sounds. He’s our little comedian. He’s hilarious and keeps us in stitches. He likes to watch the big kids play games, and occasionally gives it a go himself. He likes Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Scooby Doo, and superheroes. They all love going to Awana at church.

Yes, we are still planning on moving, if Chris does go active duty with the Army. That is our general plan, but it could always change. He will be a Reserve chaplain first for a couple of years. He is not yet a chaplain, but he could be by the end of the year or shortly thereafter. We will not move until he goes active duty.

Cassandra asks, “The last few years, I have been reading your blog, and when I first started, we had a ton in common. We were both at independent fundamental Baptist churches, we had children in ACE ( I think you used to have Kyra in one-maybe I am mistaken about that) schools, we stayed home with our kiddos, both wore skirts all the time, etc. etc… Now, we still have alot in common- (our ages, our kiddos, our mommyness moments) but alot has changed for you! I’ve witnessed alot in your life the last couple of years. Starting up your schooling again, going to a different church, your husband’s change in vocation, leaving behind alot of the fundamentalist ideas…so, I am just curious. What started it all? Do you still consider yourself an independent Baptist? I am not condemning your choices in any way, I am just curious about the journey that you have started on. Was there a defining moment when you decided you wanted to do things differently, or did it slowly happen?”

Cassandra, thank you for your question. I will be happy to answer each part of it in detail, but I’m going to give it it’s own post. So, hang around a bit longer, and it will be my next post. (You were so one of the three loyal readers I was talking about.)

April asks, “Did you get your nose pierced?”

Yes.

Emily Moore asks, “How bad did it hurt to get your nose pierced?”

It hurt quite a bit, but just for a moment. As he pushed the needle through the cartilage, it hurt pretty bad, but, as soon as the needle was through, it was just sore. It was sore for a few hours, and, after that, it’s only been sore if I bump it.

Emily McMichael asks, “Do you think I’m hot?”

Emily, my dear…I think you are beautiful…lovely…talented…wonderful…hilarious…compassionate…loving…and completely awesome, but I have never thought you were hot.

Emily McMichael also asked,”Why did you get your nose pierced on the right side instead of the left?”

I had it pierced on the right side because it looked better, I thought. At the time, I had my cartilage pierced on my left ear, so I thought it looked more balanced with my nose pierced on the right. It was purely an aesthetic choice, and it means nothing.

Maurice asks, “If a hen and a half laid an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long does it take 7 hens to lay 7 eggs?”

There is no such thing as a half a hen that is still capable of laying eggs, so the question is moot.

Maurice also asks, “Which direction is up?”

Stand up with your feet on the floor, tilt your head backwards as far as it will go…the direction your nose is pointed is up.

Heather asks, “How do your children keep getting cuter?”

Well, Heather, the funny answer is that as they get meaner, God realizes they need to get cuter so that I don’t start beating them. The serious answer? Superb genetics.

—————————————-

I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve had fun. If anyone else thinks of any questions they’d like to ask, leave them in the comments and we’ll have a You Asked: Part Deuce sometime in the future. Stay tuned to the answer to Cassandra’s question in my next post, and I’ll also have a post up soon about getting my nose pierced, with pictures and video, since it was such a popular topic.

Thanks! You guys rock!

I have been so busy lately that I’ve not had a lot of time to blog. I’ve also been tired and sickish, which means I’ve spent a lot of time on the couch.

Since Chris left for Fort Jackson, I’ve had to coordinate getting his car picked up and then taken back to get fixed for something else, having new tires put on it, and the oil changed. Our van was tore up two weeks before he left, and then our car tore up the week immediately prior to him leaving. We still didn’t have it back when he left, so he drove his mom’s car to Fort Jackson, and then he came home Friday evening to pick his up and get hers back to her. So, he got to spend the night here with us Friday night.

I didn’t get to spend any time with him on Saturday, though, because I had training in Oak Ridge from nine till three thirty. I don’t know if I blogged about it here or not, but I have been volunteering at Choices Resource Center. It is a crisis pregnancy center in Oak Ridge. Starting on Saturday, I am going through a 24 hour training to teach me how to counsel with the women who come to us. I’m really enjoying working there, and I’m excited about getting to counsel with the girls who come in. They also asked me to be the  contact person for my church.

Speaking of my church, Chris and I joined our church right before he left. We have been there for getting close to a year now, and took our time about joining. We wanted to be sure it was where God wanted us to be. We talked to the pastor about it the Sunday before he left, we went before the board the next Wednesday, and then went before the church on the next Sunday (the day Chris left for Jackson). So, once we made our desire to join the church known, it didn’t take long to get it all taken care of. We’re excited about being a part of the ministry at Trinity. Chris and I have been asked to teach the high school Awana class, and we are so very excited about that. That starts on August 31, and I can’t wait.

Thank you to everyone who left their congratulations in my comments section on my last post. We’re so very excited about this baby. The kids are really excited, too. I’ve been to the doctor a couple of times to check my hormone levels. The results of Friday’s blood work were that my hcg levels had went up appropriately, but my progesterone levels had dropped. After they drew blood on Friday, I began taking Prometrium, which is basically progesterone, so I’m hoping and praying that taking that will take care of things. I’ll have to go back again sometime this week, but I’m not sure when yet. I confess the drop in my progesterone level made me extremely nervous, but so far everything seems fine with this pregnancy. I’ve not had any problems like I did last time. I’ve been nauseous off and on since a week before I found out I was pregnant, and I’ve been incredibly tired on some days. I definitely feel pregnant.  I would so much appreciate your prayers for me and my baby.

Speaking of my baby, I have some wonderful news about one of my other babies. Kyra got saved this past Thursday. We were having family church (our name for our family devotions), and Kyra would not be put off any longer. She’s been asking questions and wanted to get saved for about a year, and we’ve tried to make sure that she really understood what that meant. She’s been telling everyone she meets that Jesus saved her. As a Mama, nothing could make me happier.

So, that about wraps it up for an update kind of post. Things are going well, and we’re staying busy. My training at Choices ends Saturday afternoon, and I’m immediately going to get the kids and head to Fort Jackson to spend a week there with Chris. We’re all excited about that. So, keep us all in your prayers. We definitely appreciate it.

Things have been quiet here at Nothing Gold recently. I’m sure you’ve noticed. I have been busy, as usual, but I’ve had a lot of heavy stuff going on in my life, as well. It’s hard to write family update stuff…or post random pictures…or whatever else when life gets particularly complicated. It’s hard to write about trivial stuff, when you’re trying not to reveal things that make you feel vulnerable. So, I’ve decided that I should just quit trying. Transparency is a big deal to me. My posts from this past summer show that. I really do believe that God can work in our transparency. So, I guess this post is about what has been going on during the silence here on my blog.

Life really has been busy. Chris spent a week in Albuquerque for work, and I took a trip to Springfield to visit Amy a couple of weeks ago. I’ll post later about my trip, for those of you who care. Elijah had a birthday. I can’t believe he’s four already. We had a small party for him the Saturday before Chris and I left on our trips. I’ll post a separate post with birthday photos, as well. The kids are all doing well. Owen’ s talking more, and my days are filled with his, “Mama? Mama!”. Kyra’s reading now, and doing well in school. They are most happy when they are all playing together. I’m so blessed.

The day before I left on my trip to Springfield, I got a horrible phone call. I’ll not go into all of the details in this public forum, but one of my little brothers almost died. It was a horrid day. I got a phone call from my mom. She was crying. My brother, Jason, who is stationed in another state, was missing. No one knew where he was. When they found him, he was almost dead. They said two more minutes and he would have been gone. I took the kids to my mother-in-law’s, and then went to my mom’s house. Everyone was upset, obviously. Me and my sister-in-law went to pick my youngest brother up at school, and I had to tell him about Jason. It was kind of heartbreaking. For any of you who have dealt with suicide/attempted suicide, I’m sure you can imagine the wide range of emotions. This whole situation kind of consumed our whole family for a while. My brother is alive, though, and getting the help that he needs. For that, I am thankful. I wish you would all pray for him. He is a Marine, and he served in Iraq about a year or so ago. For any of you who know him and would like to send him a card, send me an email, and I will get the address to you. I know it would mean a lot to him to know you care.

Two days after I came home from Springfield, I got up on Easter morning, and took a pregnancy test. I was so excited. It was positive. It wasn’t long, though, before I realized that something wasn’t right. I went to the doctor on Monday, and he told me it looked like I was having a miscarriage. I went back on Thursday to have more blood work done. My levels had went up, but not enough for the doctor to be very optimistic. I went back today to have my levels checked again. I should find out the results tomorrow.

The not knowing has been really hard on me. I have been up and down…mourning and hoping…not really sure what is going on. I already love this baby so much, but I’m not even sure if the baby is still here. It’s really hard not knowing.

So, in the silence on the blog, I’ve been wrestling with a lot of things. Not sure what I wanted people to know, and what made me too vulnerable. I’m not the kind of person, though, who’s good at keeping quiet about things that affect me so greatly. I am kind of an open book, for the most part. Until the last day or two, I’ve only told a few close friends who were praying with me. I decided last night, though, that if I am truly going to be transparent on this blog, in a way that people could feel connected with me, I can’t stay silent about such a huge thing in my life. I have run the gamut of emotions since last Sunday. I have been desperately, heartbreakingly sad, angry at God for letting me go through this, hurt at God that He would possibly take my baby from me, repentant over those feelings, hopeful that my baby is still here, and back and forth, so forth and so on. It’s exhausting. I pretty much spent last week sleeping. On Saturday, I finally found a measure of peace. If I am to go through this, regardless of the outcome, I want to glorify God. If there is a lesson to be learned, I want to learn it. If there is someone to be helped in the future by my experience, well, even when I really don’t want to go through it for the sake of being able to minister in the future, I can see that I would probably consider it worth it down the road. I’m not really there yet, to be honest, but I am able to see that someday I will be.

Regardless of what happens, I know that God is with me. Even when I can’t feel his presence, I know that He is still with me, because He has promised to never leave me or forsake me. He will get me through this. I will be okay.

I guess this excerpt from an email I sent to my friends who have been praying with me says it best:

I just wanted to thank you all for your prayers for me and my little one. I’m doing okay. Yesterday evening/night was hard. I tried to journal…tried to pray…cried some. I felt very alone. Chris was at work, Amy’s not here, and all of you guys are so far away. I was in a sad, sad state. Today, though, I’m doing better. Amy and I prayed a long time this morning, and it has really helped. I’ve had a hard time feeling God through all of this, but He met with me today. I feel like I’m okay now, whatever the outcome. Chris prayed with me yesterday before we went to the u/s, and reminded me that God knew the end before we knew the beginning. He knows how much I want this baby, and, if He takes…or has already taken…my baby to Heaven, well, I know He’ll be with me. Chris read a psalm to me in the waiting room at the hospital yesterday…Psalm 77…told me about how the Psalm writer felt like God wasn’t with him and didn’t hear his cries, how he started to think maybe God was never there, how he then began to remember what God had done for him and brought him through, and then how he began to praise God. It really meant a lot to me. That’s where I’ve been. I’ve felt like God wasn’t with me and didn’t care what I was going through, but then I began to remember all the things he’s brought me through and all the things he’s done for me in the past year, and I have to trust that He has a plan. Obviously, I still want my baby and I’m clinging to the hope that the baby’s still alive, but I know that, even if God’s answer is no, He will hold me up. My attitude has changed dramatically. I want to honor God in this. Thank you ladies for praying for me. For encouraging me to keep the faith and turn to God. I’m going to do that. I want him to be glorified in my pain. If I have to go through this, I want God to somehow use it. I was reminded of a video that has really challenged me in the past. It helped me to watch it today. I want God to be glorified.

Here is the video that I mentioned in the email:

I write this scattered post and insert the section from my email just to show where I am. Where I’ve been. I don’t know how much I’ll want to write about this in the future, but I needed to at least explain what has happened and where I’m coming from. I get results from today’s blood work sometime tomorrow. I would appreciate your prayers. I still have hope.I don’t know what the end result of all of this is. Several people have prayed that God would grow me through this. I’m sure that some sort of growth is inevitable, if I resist the urge to hide under the covers and not deal with it. Hopefully, I’ll be able to share my journey with you, and maybe it will mean something to someone. Above all, I want God to be glorified.

Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

For I, the Lord your God,
hold your right hand;
it is I who say to you, “Fear not,
I am the one who helps you.” Isaiah 41:13

Hello, everyone. I thought I’d write an update post…for all of you who want to know what’s going on with the Harmon family.

Things are going well, actually. We’re all doing pretty good. The kids and I are sick right now, which is why I’m writing this blog post instead of being at church right now. We had a very warm couple of days, followed by a few really, really cold days, and it has wreaked havoc with us. We all have sinus infections, I think. It started with Owen, then I got it, and now Elijah and Kyra are starting to feel bad. I’m going to try to get us all in to the doctor tomorrow. I actually ran into our doctor at Kroger yesterday, and, despite my horrible coughing fit in his presence, he didn’t offer to write any prescriptions in the produce section. The Lord is good, though. When a few sinus infections are your worst complaints, I think you’re doing good.

Chris, as usual, is unaffected by our sickness. He almost never gets sick. He is, however, very, very busy. He is always either working, or doing schoolwork. He ended up taking four classes this semester. I was very thankful that he didn’t take five like last semester. I’d tell you what classes he’s taking, but I don’t actually remember. If you’re interested, though, I could ask him. I’m very, very proud of my man for how hard he is working to simultaneously support our family and prepare for the call that God has placed on his life. He is a very interesting man to talk to these days. Beyond his schoolwork, he’s been studying different subjects on his own, and it makes for some interesting conversations. I appreciate his studious nature. It makes me a smarter person.

I am only taking the two classes this semester. I’m doing well in them. I’m not having as much fun this semester since I’m not actually going to classes. I really enjoy getting out of the house, meeting new people, and experiencing the social side of school. Taking a full load of classes like I did the first two regular semesters (I only took two classes in the summer) was more than I thought I could responsibly handle this semester. Last semester was really hard, and I felt like I needed to cut down this time around. So, school is not as demanding on my time right now as it was in the fall. I would appreciate your prayers as I try to decide about which classes and how many I should take in the next couple of semesters. It’s always a delicate balance concerning school and family.

Kyra is doing very well in school. She’s learning to read and write, and is doing quite well. She has actually already finished kindergarten, and she has been working on first grade work for a few weeks now. She likes school, but she sometimes procrastinates a lot. She’s very dramatic, and there are often tears involved in her schoolwork. She gets easily overwhelmed by a difficult looking task. Her confidence is growing as she moves along in school, though. I’ve noticed her, in the last week or two, reading things around the house. I think that’s awesome. Next school year, the school she is going to will no longer be open, so I will be homeschooling her. It’s a daunting task, but a friend of mine, who is the main supervisor at her school, is going to help me get set up and going. Kyra will continue doing the same curriculum that she does now, so that will make it easier for me. I went through the same curriculum when I went to school, so I am very familiar with it. Her homeschooling is yet another thing that I will have to take into consideration when I decide about my own classes in the fall.

Elijah is doing awesome. He is changing a lot lately. He’s not quite so contrary as he used to be. He has always been a very sweet, tenderhearted little boy, but he has also always shown a very gruff side to people outside our family. He’s getting better at this. He loves Sunday school and Awana, and is doing really well with interacting in his classes. He learns and says his Bible verses, and is doing really well with participation. I’m proud of the changes I’ve seen in him. He is awfully quiet, but he takes everything in. He randomly tells me he loves me all day long. He hugs all over Kyra and Owen, and often helps his little brother do things. He’s the first one to volunteer to help me do things. He is fixing to have a birthday later this month…the 25th. I can’t believe he’s turning four!

Owen keeps us in stitches most of the time. He’s hilarious. He’s very, very funny, and, oh, so cute. He’s learning to talk, and his vocabulary is starting to pick up. Unfortunately, he has, for some reason, started saying a very naughty word for pretty much everything. I don’t know why he decided to put those particular sounds together, but it’s quite distressing. So, if you hear my baby boy cursing, please know that he did not overhear it anywhere. It’s just an unfortunate practicing of sounds. <sigh> I try. I really try. Besides his potty mouth, he’s quite the personality. He loves to make us laugh. If you laugh one time at something, he is sure to repeat it. His brother and sister think he is totally awesome, and they always let him in on their fun. I love watching the three of them play together. I couldn’t be more blessed with kids that get along together. Owen is also a very, very affectionate little boy. He spends half his time in my lap. He still plays with my hair constantly. He has started going to people, arms outstretched, and says, “Hug.” It’s adorable.

I know this is not the most fascinating or entertaining post, but it’s mostly for those family members who live far away and like to know what we’re up to. We’re doing good. Life is good. Really, really good.

 I took these pictures a couple of weeks ago. Was going to blog about being a college student slash mommy. It took me so long to get to it, I forgot what I was going to write. So, instead, here’s some pictures.

This is where I spend  half my time…at the kitchen table, the laptop in front of me, and my books (which you can’t see in the photo..trust me, they’re there) open on the table.

See, this is what I was looking at. Textbook, study notes, and my index card of handwritten notes I was allowed to take with me to my Western Civ Exam. 

This is the baby who interrupts my understanding of Social Darwinism. 

I would rather socialize with a huggy baby boy than study socialism any day. 

This is the shaggy-headed little boy who needed help putting his mittens on. I don’t know why. He wanted to hug me before he left. As you can see, Owen took issue with that.  

This is the thoughtful little girl who sits across the table doing her own projects.

So, tell me, Friend…is it any surprise to you that I got a B instead of an A on that exam?

Priorities…I guess that’s my point.

During the dry up on my blog here (I’m sure you noticed the lack of posting, right?), Chris and I had an anniversary. Number seven. I can’t believe how fast it’s went by. To celebrate, we went to a cabin in Pigeon Forge for a couple of days. My mom watched the kids for us. It was the first time since our first anniversary that we did anything more than go to dinner and a movie. We had so much fun.

We went out to eat a couple of times, went to Wonderworks, and to the Dixie Stampede. 

The cabin itself was beautiful.

This was the living room.

If this was Cribs, I would say, “And this is where all the magic happens”.  

The three best things about the cabin were the pool table, the foosball table, and the jacuzzi. While I didn’t think you guys would appreciate pictures of us in the jacuzzi and the action was too fast and furious for photos of us playing foosball, we did take a couple of us playing pool.

Chris won most of the pool we played.

I only won one game of pool, but I won all but one game of foosball. 

The view from the decks of the cabin was spectacular. It really was awesome. I took several pictures, but here are a few of the best ones.

All in all, it was a great trip. It was so nice to have time with just Chris and I. There was a bit of homework done on our trip, but, for the most part, nothing we had to do except enjoy each other. I talked it up so much, that Amy and Joel are there right now…but that’s another post. For now, here’s one last picture of me and my Valentine.

Thanks for seven happy years, Christopher. I love you.

I just got back from eight fun-filled days in Springfield, Missouri. Woohoo, right? Seriously. The kids and I went to visit Amy and her kids for a week or so. The ten hour trip there was uneventful. The kids were great. They’re awesome travelers. We made it there by one thirty central time. We left at five a.m., and we only had to stop three times.

Most of our days were pretty low key, but we had tons of fun being together. It’s always interesting to see how our kids are going to react to each other. In the past, Jeremiah and Kyra have played together more than any of them. This time, however, Jeremiah and Elijah decided to be best buddies. They spent the whole time locking the girls out of their “Elijah and Jeremiah Club”. It was nice to see them actually getting along with each other. They slept in Jer’s top bunk most every night, and were usually still awake talking when the rest of us went to bed.

The girls didn’t get along quite as well, but they did have their moments of playing well together.

On, I think, the second day we were there, we went grocery shopping and to Target. Why am I telling you this? Because it was fun, and we have pictures.

That’s a cartload of babies, huh?

Our friend, Aimee met us at Target, and then we went home and made quesadillas.

Aimee and Amy cooking and talking. I don’t remember what they were talking about, but I love the look on Aimee’s face.

Our friend, Joy, came over, too. The kids all love Joy, but I think Kyra is especially enamored with her.

We sat around the kitchen table talking till after midnight. It was really nice. I wish I lived closer. I could get used to hanging out with friends.

Amy had class on Monday morning and all day Tuesday, and her kids had school all week. So, a lot of my time was spent taking and picking up kids from school, cleaning up their messes, and fixing a bajillion cups of chocolate milk. Five kids go through a lot of milk. I was really happy to actually get to be of practical help to Amy…watching Sarah and taking her to school when the babysitter unexpectedly couldn’t, etc. Living so far away, I can never do the kind of things that best friends do. I wish I could be helpful more often.

We had a donut party one day, but other than this one photo…I’m going to make a new post later with all our donut pics and video. They’re really cute.

We were supposed to leave on Friday morning, but we hit a little hangup. The night before, on the way to Bible study, my tire was low. We aired it up, and were going to check it in the morning. So, Friday morning, I was gonna leave at six, but I ended up sleeping later and getting up at six. I went outside in the freezing cold to check my tire, and it looked like it could be a tad low but not much. So, I got ready, packed up our stuff, and went to load the van. When I went out there, at about nine, the tire was completely flat. I had to call a tow service to come change my tire for me, and then we took it to the tire store to get it fixed. It had a nail in it. It was the grace of God, though, that I slept later, and we weren’t on the road when the tire went flat. That would have really rained on my parade. Especially if it blew out on me.

These are some pictures from our wait at the tire shop. They’re fun.

Hugging my boy.

Biting my boy.

My bitten boy.

Our beautiful girls, waiting patiently.

After we go the tire fixed, we went out for pizza for lunch, and decided it was too late to head to Tennessee, so we were staying another night. We then picked Jeremiah up from school, went to Honey Heaven (a honey store that had a hive of real bees that we looked at and honey sticks that we ate), and went to the Army Surplus store. We were looking for an old school Army pt jacket. Chris lost his, and I wanted one. Amy had one that used to be Joel’s that I was coveting. Anyway, while we were there, we had fun trying on silly hats.

I think we’ll all agree on who was the cutest.

After the crazy Army Surplus fun, we went to get Andy’s Frozen Custard. Apparently, it’s a must if you’re in Springfield. It was delicious. After that, we ordered sushi. I wasn’t the only one who tried sushi for the first time.

Sushi is good. I think it’s my new favorite. Seriously. I had it for dinner last night, and then ate it for breakfast at four thirty this morning, and then I had some more on the drive home since my amazing friend packed me a little cooler of it. She really does make my life better…breakfast burritos and sushi are enough to warrant a lifelong friendship, no?

I so enjoyed my trip. It’s always good to be with my friend. To go to church and worship with her, to sing along to the song playing while we wait to pick up a kid from school, to eat sushi in her living room floor…no matter what we’re doing, it’s fun. I treasure each moment that I get to spend with Amy and her kids.

She made me laugh right before she took the picture.

Craziness. We have so much fun together.

I don’t look so great in this photo, but Amy looks so pretty I had to post it.

I love my friend. I miss her already.

Here’s to hoping that our next visit is just as awesome as this one was.

Last night, I went to a ladies Christmas dinner at church. I was undecided about whether to go or not for several weeks. I wasn’t sure if I would have someone to watch the kids, I was afraid maybe I would end up sitting with people I didn’t know, and I procrastinated paying my part and committing myself to go. After several people encouraged me to come, I decided to go. I’m so glad I did. Not only did I have lots of fun and really enjoy the fellowship with the other ladies, but I was really very blessed by being there.

The special speaker for the evening was Mrs. Paula Hodges. She spoke to us about loving the Lord with all of our hearts. She recounted some of her experiences working on the mission field in the Dominican Republic, and she told of working with children in a Christian school. She told us a story about singing to her class to settle them down for the Bible hour. She said she was singing the lyrics, “I love you, Lord, with all my heart”, and, each time she sang the words, she heard the Lord asking, “Do you really?” As she spoke to us, I heard the Lord asking me, “Do you really?” Mrs. Hodges challenged us to love the Lord with all our hearts. She challenged us to serve him in 2008…to do more for Him than we did this year. She also expressed to us the need to teach our children to love Him. I can’t express to you how much this message gripped my heart. It was for me. If no one else got anything from what she said, I did.

Her text for the night was from Deuteronomy 6:5-7 :

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Friends, my heart is challenged. I want to love the Lord with all of my heart. Mrs. Hodges pointed out that if we truly loved Him with all of our hearts, we would do anything He asked us to do. I want to present myself to God as a holy and acceptable sacrifice. I want to offer myself to Him to use anyway He wants to use me. I want to serve Him because I love Him. I want to love Him more than I do now. I want to teach my children to love Him. I think, a lot of times, we teach them to fear Him, to obey Him, but I don’t know that I’ve been teaching my kids to love Him.

I truly desire to do more for God in 2008. I want to serve Him. I want to love Him with all my heart. I want to teach my children to love Him. He’s so good to me. He has given me an unspeakable treasure in the three beautiful children He’s blessed me with. I don’t want to take that for granted. I want to raise them to be servants of God who follow Him and serve Him out of a passionate love for Him.

I want to love Him with all my heart.