My post from this morning was kind of sad, no? Pitiful in parts, even. However, today was not all bad. It kind of progressively got better. You see, God gave me these three kiddos, and they are lots of fun. Also, their mommy is a tomboy, and she likes to play outside. Also, she’s not above making her four year old work for his wagon rides.

At the end of our evening playing outside, where I assure you the children all got their fair share of wagon rides, I took a ride down the hill in the wagon…then another and another. I rode all the kids down, too, which they loved. We had so much fun.

I got lots of cute pictures, too. I’ll post them soon. I’m having trouble figuring out how to re-size them in the new wordpress. I’ll figure that out, and then astound you with sunshiney cuteness.

I’m sorry this post is coming so late in the day. I know a lot of you have been checking in on me. I appreciate the comments, phone calls, and emails so much. Most of all, I can’t thank you all enough for your prayers. Last night’s update was brief, so I’ll elaborate a bit on what happened yesterday.

Faith:

From the time I left the ER Tuesday night until sometime yesterday afternoon, I really wrestled with what to do if this was an ectopic pregnancy. There is nothing that they can do to turn an ectopic pregnancy into a healthy one. It’s a dangerous situation. To briefly explain it, it is when the baby implants itself somewhere besides the uterus…usually in the fallopian tube…and therefore the pregnancy cannot continue to term. The baby grows in the tube until it has no more room to grow, and then the tube will burst. This can cause excessive internal bleeding and damage to a woman’s organs, and can sometimes result in the death of the mother. The usual treatment for an ectopic pregnancy is to remove the pregnancy either by methotrexate (a drug that is injected to stop the baby’s growth and cause the mother’s body to absorb the baby) or by surgery. I immediately recoiled at the thought of the shot, and knew that I would not be able to do that regardless. The other option is to remove the baby by surgery. Obviously, both of these treatments would end the baby’s life.

I struggled hard with the thought of having to choose to remove the pregnancy before it burst my tube. I really felt, by what the doctor had told me about what was seen by u/s, by the pain I felt, and by my gut feeling, that I was dealing with an ectopic pregnancy. It seemed to be the case. I was trying to come to terms with what I was going to do about it. I cried over my hamburger at Steak and Shake after we finally left the ER Tuesday night, when I told Chris that I just didn’t think I could end my baby’s life, even if it was destined to end anyway. I told him that it seemed like, if I were really going to have faith that God could do a miracle for me, I would have to leave it in his hands. It wasn’t cut and dry. We didn’t know what the wise thing to do was.

Yesterday morning, I called Amy to pray with her like I do every morning. I told her that I didn’t think I could do it. I told her that I believed God could do a miracle, and, even if he didn’t, I could trust Him. I told her that He had proven Himself faithful to us over and over in the past year. He proved faithful in small matters, like how someone would respond to a hard conversation He was prompting me to have, etc. He proved Himself faithful in bigger matters, like my struggle with disordered eating, etc. I felt like all of those things were preparing my heart to trust Him to be faithful in this…the biggest thing I had ever faced. I knew He could do a miracle. It was a step of faith to trust Him to do so, or to trust Him to take care of me if He didn’t.

By the time I actually was at the OB’s office, my prayers had began to focus on needing my doctor to be understanding of my decision and supportive of me. I knew this was unlikely. I had another u/s, and then we had to wait for a couple of hours before actually seeing the doctor. He came in and told us that the u/s they did yesterday was the opposite of the u/s they did in the ER the night before. They saw nothing on my left side, and they saw a yolk sac in my uterus. As soon as he said this, I began to cry. I knew that God had specifically answered my prayer. He went on to tell me that the yolk sac did not look healthy, and he expected that I was going to miscarry. The tears really began to fall then. I was prepared for this, and it was definitely better than an ectopic pregnancy. It was still hard, though. I still love this baby, and I still want my baby to live. As I cried, he offered me a tissue, and told me that, since my hcg levels continue to rise, he wanted me to come back on Friday to have more blood taken. He said that we will monitor my hcg levels, and we won’t do anything until we are sure the baby has died. If the baby dies and I don’t miscarry naturally, he said we would talk about a D&C. He said there is a chance that the pregnancy could continue, but he doesn’t expect it to because it didn’t appear to be healthy.

So, with a heavy heart, we left the doctor’s office. I really broke down as soon as we stepped through the doctor’s office door into the hallway. I’ve not cried like that in a long time. It all just seemed like too much. When we were finally in the car, I quit crying and took a few deep breaths. I knew that God had answered my prayer. Even though it still hurt, it was an answered prayer, and I had to thank Him. He proved, once again, that He is faithful. He hears our prayers, and He cares. He saved me great heartache, and, even in my sadness, I praise Him. He is faithful.

Hope:

We came home yesterday evening, after taking some time to stop in Oak Ridge to eat dinner and talk, and I lay down on the couch to try to sleep away some horrible car-sickness. I’m reminded in moments like that of the fact that I AM still pregnant, and I still get sickish and tired very easily. Shortly after we came home, my mother-in-law, Velvet, brought our kids home. She was so kind to keep our kids for us from the time I went to the doctor before I went to the ER Tuesday night until yesterday evening, letting them spend the night in between. The kids came home, and gave me hugs and kisses. Chris and I had decided over dinner that we needed to tell the kids what was going on.

I asked Kyra if she knew why Mommy had been going to the doctor so often. She said she didn’t know, but she had a guess. I asked her what she thought it was, and she said, “You have the flu?”

Chris and I smiled at each other. “No, honey, I don’t have the flu.”

She said she had another guess, “You got sick because of winter.”

I told her that wasn’t it either. I told her that Mommy had a baby in her belly, and, before I could finish my sentence, her face lit up and she started clapping her hands. I interrupted her excitement, and told her that there was a problem with the baby and it might not get to be born. I told them that God might take our baby to Heaven, and we would get to see the baby when we went to Heaven. They both thought about this for a minute, and Kyra asked, “The baby can go to Heaven even when it didn’t get saved?” Chris and I laughed a little, and explained that, yes, the baby would still go to Heaven. She accepted this, and then Elijah said, “I have a guess.”

Chris and I looked at each other over his head, and I said, “What’s your guess, Elijah?”

He said, “You have the flu!”

“No, Elijah.” I said. “The reason I have been going to the doctor is…”

Elijah cut me off and said, “I have another guess!”

Sigh. “Okay. What’s your guess?”

Elijah smiled, and said, “You have a baby in your belly.”

I told him, that, yes, I had a baby in my belly, but reminded him that there was a problem and God might take our baby to Heaven. Elijah then told us that he thought the baby would go to the devil. I sighed and let Chris deal with that one.

While the conversation with Elijah was going on, Kyra had left the room to get me a blanket, because, immediately on learning I was pregnant, she had went into “take care of Mommy” mode. She brought the blanket, spread it over my legs, and said, “I know! We can pray for our baby.”

I told her that was a very good idea, and that we could pray for our baby every day. I told her that God knows better than we do, though, and He know what’s best for us and our little one.

Kyra said, “I’m going to pray right now.” She climbed up beside of me, laid her hands on me, told Elijah to be quiet, and began to pray, “Father, thank you for this day. Thank you for the baby in my Mommy’s belly. Please help the baby to get to be born. Please help my mommy to feel good. Thank you. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

I don’t think I will ever forget that prayer. It was such a sweet moment. Tears were rolling down my cheeks while my little girl prayed for us. She had complete faith that we serve a God who hears and answers prayers. Every time I tried to remind her that there was a problem and we had to be prepared that God might take our little one to Heaven, she responded with hope. She knows we serve an all powerful God who loves us. She knows He can do miracles. In her complete faith, hope seems to be the only logical response to our situation. As a mother, I’m afraid that God’s answer will be “no”, and Kyra’s heart will be broken. She’s already hoping for a sister. Talking about having a baby again. I suppose that, in this situation, I have to take my lead from Kyra, and have faith enough to hope for miracles…while still having faith that He will hold us if the answer is “no”.

Love:

Throughout this whole thing, which is going on two weeks now, I’ve been reminded over and over of how much God loves me. He’s reminded me that my faith in him is not misplaced. He’s reminded me that He is all powerful. He’s reminded me that He still can work miracles in our life. He’s held me when I cried, and He’s surrounded me with people…even total strangers…who love me enough to hold me and my family up in prayer. I’ve come to find that Jesus IS all-satisfying. He meets every need. He comforts every heartache. He is a loving Saviour who comes to my rescue every time. I know I may have much more heartache ahead of me. This whole process still goes on. I don’t know the end, but it’s enough to know that He does. He knew the end before I knew the beginning, and I will trust in that. My Saviour loves me. He will take care of me…regardless.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the Lord,

Jeremiah 29:11-14a

Thank you, Friends, for your prayers, and I ask you to continue to pray for me, my baby, and my family. It means so much.

Hello, everyone. I thought I’d write an update post…for all of you who want to know what’s going on with the Harmon family.

Things are going well, actually. We’re all doing pretty good. The kids and I are sick right now, which is why I’m writing this blog post instead of being at church right now. We had a very warm couple of days, followed by a few really, really cold days, and it has wreaked havoc with us. We all have sinus infections, I think. It started with Owen, then I got it, and now Elijah and Kyra are starting to feel bad. I’m going to try to get us all in to the doctor tomorrow. I actually ran into our doctor at Kroger yesterday, and, despite my horrible coughing fit in his presence, he didn’t offer to write any prescriptions in the produce section. The Lord is good, though. When a few sinus infections are your worst complaints, I think you’re doing good.

Chris, as usual, is unaffected by our sickness. He almost never gets sick. He is, however, very, very busy. He is always either working, or doing schoolwork. He ended up taking four classes this semester. I was very thankful that he didn’t take five like last semester. I’d tell you what classes he’s taking, but I don’t actually remember. If you’re interested, though, I could ask him. I’m very, very proud of my man for how hard he is working to simultaneously support our family and prepare for the call that God has placed on his life. He is a very interesting man to talk to these days. Beyond his schoolwork, he’s been studying different subjects on his own, and it makes for some interesting conversations. I appreciate his studious nature. It makes me a smarter person.

I am only taking the two classes this semester. I’m doing well in them. I’m not having as much fun this semester since I’m not actually going to classes. I really enjoy getting out of the house, meeting new people, and experiencing the social side of school. Taking a full load of classes like I did the first two regular semesters (I only took two classes in the summer) was more than I thought I could responsibly handle this semester. Last semester was really hard, and I felt like I needed to cut down this time around. So, school is not as demanding on my time right now as it was in the fall. I would appreciate your prayers as I try to decide about which classes and how many I should take in the next couple of semesters. It’s always a delicate balance concerning school and family.

Kyra is doing very well in school. She’s learning to read and write, and is doing quite well. She has actually already finished kindergarten, and she has been working on first grade work for a few weeks now. She likes school, but she sometimes procrastinates a lot. She’s very dramatic, and there are often tears involved in her schoolwork. She gets easily overwhelmed by a difficult looking task. Her confidence is growing as she moves along in school, though. I’ve noticed her, in the last week or two, reading things around the house. I think that’s awesome. Next school year, the school she is going to will no longer be open, so I will be homeschooling her. It’s a daunting task, but a friend of mine, who is the main supervisor at her school, is going to help me get set up and going. Kyra will continue doing the same curriculum that she does now, so that will make it easier for me. I went through the same curriculum when I went to school, so I am very familiar with it. Her homeschooling is yet another thing that I will have to take into consideration when I decide about my own classes in the fall.

Elijah is doing awesome. He is changing a lot lately. He’s not quite so contrary as he used to be. He has always been a very sweet, tenderhearted little boy, but he has also always shown a very gruff side to people outside our family. He’s getting better at this. He loves Sunday school and Awana, and is doing really well with interacting in his classes. He learns and says his Bible verses, and is doing really well with participation. I’m proud of the changes I’ve seen in him. He is awfully quiet, but he takes everything in. He randomly tells me he loves me all day long. He hugs all over Kyra and Owen, and often helps his little brother do things. He’s the first one to volunteer to help me do things. He is fixing to have a birthday later this month…the 25th. I can’t believe he’s turning four!

Owen keeps us in stitches most of the time. He’s hilarious. He’s very, very funny, and, oh, so cute. He’s learning to talk, and his vocabulary is starting to pick up. Unfortunately, he has, for some reason, started saying a very naughty word for pretty much everything. I don’t know why he decided to put those particular sounds together, but it’s quite distressing. So, if you hear my baby boy cursing, please know that he did not overhear it anywhere. It’s just an unfortunate practicing of sounds. <sigh> I try. I really try. Besides his potty mouth, he’s quite the personality. He loves to make us laugh. If you laugh one time at something, he is sure to repeat it. His brother and sister think he is totally awesome, and they always let him in on their fun. I love watching the three of them play together. I couldn’t be more blessed with kids that get along together. Owen is also a very, very affectionate little boy. He spends half his time in my lap. He still plays with my hair constantly. He has started going to people, arms outstretched, and says, “Hug.” It’s adorable.

I know this is not the most fascinating or entertaining post, but it’s mostly for those family members who live far away and like to know what we’re up to. We’re doing good. Life is good. Really, really good.

 I took these pictures a couple of weeks ago. Was going to blog about being a college student slash mommy. It took me so long to get to it, I forgot what I was going to write. So, instead, here’s some pictures.

This is where I spend  half my time…at the kitchen table, the laptop in front of me, and my books (which you can’t see in the photo..trust me, they’re there) open on the table.

See, this is what I was looking at. Textbook, study notes, and my index card of handwritten notes I was allowed to take with me to my Western Civ Exam. 

This is the baby who interrupts my understanding of Social Darwinism. 

I would rather socialize with a huggy baby boy than study socialism any day. 

This is the shaggy-headed little boy who needed help putting his mittens on. I don’t know why. He wanted to hug me before he left. As you can see, Owen took issue with that.  

This is the thoughtful little girl who sits across the table doing her own projects.

So, tell me, Friend…is it any surprise to you that I got a B instead of an A on that exam?

Priorities…I guess that’s my point.

During the dry up on my blog here (I’m sure you noticed the lack of posting, right?), Chris and I had an anniversary. Number seven. I can’t believe how fast it’s went by. To celebrate, we went to a cabin in Pigeon Forge for a couple of days. My mom watched the kids for us. It was the first time since our first anniversary that we did anything more than go to dinner and a movie. We had so much fun.

We went out to eat a couple of times, went to Wonderworks, and to the Dixie Stampede. 

The cabin itself was beautiful.

This was the living room.

If this was Cribs, I would say, “And this is where all the magic happens”. :) 

The three best things about the cabin were the pool table, the foosball table, and the jacuzzi. While I didn’t think you guys would appreciate pictures of us in the jacuzzi and the action was too fast and furious for photos of us playing foosball, we did take a couple of us playing pool.

Chris won most of the pool we played.

I only won one game of pool, but I won all but one game of foosball. 

The view from the decks of the cabin was spectacular. It really was awesome. I took several pictures, but here are a few of the best ones.

All in all, it was a great trip. It was so nice to have time with just Chris and I. There was a bit of homework done on our trip, but, for the most part, nothing we had to do except enjoy each other. I talked it up so much, that Amy and Joel are there right now…but that’s another post. For now, here’s one last picture of me and my Valentine.

Thanks for seven happy years, Christopher. I love you.

During dinner a week or so ago, we were discussing what the kids learned at Awana with them. Kyra told us that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and the conversation that followed went like this:

Me: “Do you know what sin is?”

Elijah: “Sin is bad.”

Kyra, taking a deep breath for the wordy answer she was immediately preparing in her five year old little girl mind: “Weeelll, sins can be lots of things. I learned in Awana that the devil makes us think bad thoughts. (She taps the side of her head for emphasis.) He makes us think of bad things, and we have to decide what we are going to do. We could do the bad things that our thoughts say to do and that is sin, or we could do good things instead and make Jesus happy.”

Me: “Yeah..that’s right.”

Elijah, looking up from his food, fork in hand, and in his monotone cookie monster voice says: “God can’t sin.”

Me: “That’s right, Elijah. Do you know why God can’t sin?”

Kyra, interrupting Elijah to make her thoughts known, went into a big, long thing about why she thought God can’t sin. When she finished, Elijah looked up with an expressionless, innocent face, and says: “God can’t sin, because God is holy.”

At that, Chris jerked his head up, and grinned at his boy. The look on Chris’ face said, “Hooah! That’s my boy.”

Me, very impressed: “That’s right, Elijah!”

He may not be able to count to ten yet, and he may not have any interest in learning the correct use of proper pronouns, however, he does know one thing, and that is…God is holy.

Every now and then, my husband does something that makes me love him a little more than I already did. This morning, I woke up to this post on his blog. I’d love for you guys to go read it. He’s not been blogging long, but I’m enjoying his blog. It’s nice to see his thoughts on different things. So, go ahead. Go give him a little patronage.

How can the same toddler that just got flipped over his big brother’s back and off the couch, landing hard on his face, get up without crying, shake his head no when I ask if he’s okay, and then laugh and get up and climb back up on the couch by his big brother then turn around, stick his paci in his mouth, and come play with his mama’s hair? He’s a funny little boy. I think he’s a very tough and masculine boy who’s very in touch with his sensitive side.

Last night, after Awana, we had come home, and were all in our bed talking with each other. I asked Elijah what he learned about in Cubbies, and this is the conversation that followed.

Elijah: “We learned about God.”

Me, knowing what his lesson was about: “Did you learn about Jesus?”

Elijah: “Jesus IS God.”

Me: “I know. What did Jesus do in your story?”

Elijah: “He went to His father’s house.”

Me: “Was His Father’s house in Heaven?”

Elijah: “Yeah.”

Me: “Who is Jesus’ father?”

Elijah: “I don’t know.”

Me: “God is Jesus’ father.”

Elijah nodded and then it was as if we could see the light bulb go off over his head.

Elijah: “Waaaait a minute. (Speaking slowly and thoughtfully.) If Jesus is God, how can God be Jesus’ father?”

Me: “Chris…”

Chris: “Well, Elijah, God is three people. He is God the Father, He is Jesus, and He is the Holy Spirit, and all of those three people are one Person.”

Elijah: “Oh!” Big grin. “Okay.”

And, that, my friends, is how our three year old was introduced to the Trinity.

Check out that tear.