So, on the way to the scope test I had done today, I had an interesting conversation with my husband and best friend. I remind you ahead of time, just as I’ve told you before, that my husband is warped. That’s all.

Me: “Chris, when we get to your mom’s, can you take the kids in by yourself so I can stay out here and pray with Amy?”

Chris: “Pray with Amy? Why do you have to do that? In case you die when you get scoped?”

Me: “Yes. That’s exactly why.”

Amy, on the phone with me: “That’s horrible.”

Chris: “Her  praying with you won’t help anything. ‘As it is appointed unto man once to die, and, after this, the judgement.’ If it’s your time, Rachel, it’s your time.”

Me: “Amy, he says if it’s my appointed time, it’s my appointed time.”

Amy: “Tell him you’re going to make an appointment for him.”

Me, laughing: “Chris, she says I should make an appointment for you.”

Chris, not amused: “That’s just silly. It’s not funny.”

Me: “Oh, it’d be funny if you had said it.”

Amy, laughing.

Me: “Amy, he’s not amused. He only thinks it’s funny when he’s the one who says things like that.”

Pulling up to an intersection in the rain, Chris looks at the oncoming traffic from both directions.

Chris: “We’re never going to get across. If I gun it, my tires will spin.”

Me: “Yeah. Then we’ll all die.”

Chris: “If it’s our appointed time, we will.”

Me: “What if it’s not our appointed time.”

Chris: “Then we may just all end up as vegetables.”

Me: “That would be horrible. Amy, if we all end up as vegetables, will you come down here and pull the plugs for us.”

Amy, singing, “Broccoli. Celery.”

Me, laughing, then turning serious, “Amy, honey. If ever Chris calls and tells you I’ve been in an accident and am in a vegetative state, you just keep him on the phone, get in the car, and drive here as fast as you can.”

Amy laughs.

Me: “No, I’m serious. We’ve had this conversation before. I don’t trust him. His definition of no chance of survival and mine may be different.”

Chris: “Hey, if I pull the plug and it’s not your appointed time, God will keep you alive.”

Me: “See, Amy! See!”

Amy, using her ‘Chris voice’: “La la la. Oops. Oh, sorry. I tripped over this plug.”

I whimper.