Time for an AAR. That’s Army speak for After Action Report. My summer is over. My absolutely unbelievable summer. My crazy cool, couldn’t have been better if I had of scripted it summer is over. I want to share what God has done for me. There is no way that I could fit everything into one post, so consider this the first of a few posts. My subjects are not necessarily chronological, because God has been working in my heart about various things simultaneously throughout the summer. So, I’m just going to give you one topic at a time.

When summer started, Chris left for Fort Jackson. It didn’t take long for the loneliness to set in. I missed my husband. I really, really missed him. I was used to talking to him whenever I wanted to. If he was at work, I could almost always call him and talk to him. Suddenly, he belonged to the Army, and I had to talk to him on their timetable. School had started, but it wasn’t just passing time. It was hard. The subjects were not my favorites, and they were hard to keep up with when I had the kids and the house and everything else to attend to all by myself. I was getting depressed, and fast. I needed friends. God sent them.

I had started talking to Amy right before Chris left, but, after he left, we began talking a lot. We really got to know each other fast, and it was very, very apparent to us that our friendship was a God thing. He was all over our conversations. My days got a lot less lonely. I had someone to talk to who knew what it was like…way more than I did. Not only did He send me Amy, but He let me cross paths with Heather and Laura, who were going through the exact thing I was. Their husbands were at Fort Jackson, too, and we bonded over that.

It was friendship that God used to get my attention. He knew the cry of my heart was that I wanted friends. When He sent friends from such unusual places (Heather found me through a random YouTube video), it was hard to not realize that He was paying attention to me.

The true turning point of this summer was during a late night IM conversation with Amy. I was telling her that I felt so discouraged and inadequate when it came to praying. I was saved as a little girl, but I have always struggled with regularly praying and reading my Bible. It seems so basic. So easy. Yet I always felt completely inept. I would do good for a few days or a few weeks or even for a few months, but I would always eventually slack off. I would read a little less, skip a day or two without praying, and, before I knew it, my heart was cold and hard as a stone. I don’t know what made me want to bare my soul to my friend that night, but I’m glad I did. I told her I felt like a “baby, retarded Christian”. I couldn’t even get past the basics. She challenged my thinking. She said maybe I didn’t have to kneel down for a prescribed time every morning to pray or read three chapters every day to commune with God, but maybe my relationship with Him was too personal to have to follow someone else’s idea of what I should do. The freedom I felt when she told me that is hard to describe. I think it was hope that I felt. I ended that IM conversation, and prayed a heartfelt prayer that I knew…I KNEW…was being heard. The next few days I spent praying here and there throughout my days. It wasn’t the normal suggested “prayer time” but it was working for me. God was a part of my days, and it was good. I began reading my Bible again. Really reading it. Expecting to find something there to help me, and not just filling my quota of chapters. My cold heart was thawing. I was beginning to feel the love of my Father.

Even if I wrote a book, I couldn’t fit in every thing that God has done for me this summer. On a daily basis, He was speaking to my heart. I can tell you about several things that stick out in my mind, though.

When I started including God in my life…reading His Word, talking to him, listening for Him…it amazed me how He met with me. The more I talked to Him, the thirstier I was for more of Him. I wanted to know what He wanted from me. I wanted to do His will. I wanted to be with Him. One night, a couple weeks into Chris being gone, I had shut myself in my closet…blocking out everything but my intended purpose…and I was asking God to give me direction. To let me know what I needed to do next. For the first time in my life, I actually heard Him speak something specifically to my heart. I had been praying for awhile, and I was waiting. Silently waiting. Suddenly, there were words in my mind…a Bible verse…”Be still and know that I am God.” It wasn’t a direct answer to what I was praying about. It was, however, confirmation in my mind that He was with me. He was guiding me, and I could trust Him to give me direction in His time. Just a short time later, I was in my van, and the song “Be Still” by Story Side B came on the radio. It was all about praying, asking God for direction, and Him answering “Be still.” Hearing that song for the first time was indescribable. It spoke directly to my heart. The end of the song has the words “We are not alone.” repeated over and over. If ever words directly comforted my heart it was those words. We are not alone!

Hearing God speak to me…speaking words directly to my heart…made me even thirstier. I had to have more of Him. I was more aware than ever how much I really needed Him. I spent a lot of time in my closet. Funny how once I let go of the idea of what was expected of my prayer life, I just began to pray more. It was not a “have to” thing but a “want to” thing. I was praying in full confidence that He was hearing me. There were several times during this summer when I let things creep back into my heart that stood between me and God, but He was patient with me. Every time I drew near to Him, instead of pushing me away, He just pulled me in closer to Him.

Through all of this, I was talking to Amy. I know people are probably tired of hearing me talk about her all the time, but she is a major part of my summer. We spent hours upon hours talking about, not just the ordinary things people chat about, but serious things that were actually important. Things that really mattered. After only knowing each other for a few weeks, Amy flew to Tennessee and went to Fort Jackson with me and then stayed the remainder of a week with me at my house. I blogged back then about staying up all night talking, giggling, and listening to music, which we totally did, but it wasn’t just mindless chit chat that kept us up all night. We spent a lot of time talking about the things that had made us who we are…our histories, families, and testimonies. We talked about where God was taking us, and what He was doing in our hearts. Most of that music we listened to was Chris Rice’s song, “Thirsty”. The lyrics of that song were exactly what my heart felt. I knew there was more to the Christian life than what I had been living. I was thirsting after the things of God, and I needed Him to satisfy me. Amy and I prayed together a lot, sitting in my living room floor. It was a good thing. Sitting shoulder to shoulder in the presence of God. The Bible says that where two or three were gathered in His name, He would be right in the middle of it. We were not in church or gathered with a big group of people, but we were gathered in His name. He honored His promise. He met with us. He blessed us. He comforted us. He encouraged our hearts. It was a really good thing.

One night, we had been lying in the living room floor talking. I don’t remember exactly what we were talking about, but I had been thinking about some stuff. I had just thought, “God, I wish I really felt like you love me. I know you do in my head, but I wish I could feel it in my heart. I just wish I really felt like you loved me.” No sooner had the thoughts entered my mind then Amy stood up abruptly, left the room, and came back with her Bible. She turned some pages, plopped it down in front of me, and pointed to this passage:

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every familyin heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19

Amy had no idea what I had been thinking, but just felt like she was supposed to show me those verses. I have never in my life felt more loved by God. I mean, seriously…how often do you get a hand-delivered message from God? I felt like I was at the top of his list that night. My heart was overflowing with the love of my Father. I guess I felt like I was “Daddy’s Little Girl” that night.In the weeks since then, He has been just as real to me. Whether staying up half the night with Amy when she was here the second time, praying in my van after dropping Kyra off at school, sitting in church, or just going about my daily business…He has been with me. He has been speaking to my heart. He has been showing me a bit of His glory. He has been revealing Himself to me when I read His word. He has changed who I am.

I am so expectant. I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. He satisfies my soul. He gives me water that, not only satisfies, but is so sweet that I can’t help but thirst for more. I am expecting more. He has promised me more.

I’m so thankful for the way He has shown me His love. I just had to share.