I am so behind. I’m behind in everything, but mostly involving the upkeep of the house. I have felt so “off” lately. I know that most of it is due to being sick and feeling off-kilter because of some new medication I am taking. Knowing what’s causing it, though, doesn’t help that much. If the side effects don’t lessen as I adjust, I may have to have my doctor switch me to something different. In the mean time, I need to get with the program. I am a procrastinator when it comes to things that I don’t like doing…such as housework. I give in too easily to excuses, such as not feeling well, when I need to tough it out.
In addition to not feeling well, I have also been stuck at home most of the time, so as not to spread Kyra’s chicken pox. Chris is being forced to work a lot of mandatory overtime right now, and so it’s just been me and the kids the majority of the time. That is very stressful in and of itself. I feel like I need a break, but, in all honesty, I don’t really deserve one right now. I’ve been a slacker, and I need to whip myself into shape. I need discipline.
My pastor has been preaching straight to me, lately, I believe. Not only has he been preaching on the role of the wife in the home, but he also preached a message a few services ago out of Colossians 3:23. If you are not familiar with this passage, it says:
“And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men”.
The gist of his mesage was that it didn’t matter what it was we did…whether we were employees in a workplace, students at school, children at home, or, as in my case, mothers and wives in charge of keeping the home…we should put our hearts into it, and do it as if we were doing it for the Lord. That message really challenged me, and it has been in my mind ever since. I haven’t done very well with the follow-through, though, as I’ve already mentioned.
I am going to change that, though. I am working on my mind-set. I have these ideas in my head that aren’t really there of my own choosing. They were put there by our culture and society, and I didn’t really have a lot to say about the matter. I have always heard that women can do anything that men can, from the time I was a little girl. Society told me that I would be more fulfilled if I were out in the workforce, pulling my own weight, and contributing to society in the same way that a man might. When I was a kid, I always assumed that that was what I would do. As I got older, though, I began to desire a family. When I met Chris, I totally gave up on the idea of college and a career, and I just wanted to be his wife and the mother of his kids. Once I had kids, I knew that I could never leave them in the care of another to go work a job. Even though my natural desires to nurture and care for my own family came bubbling up, the thoughts that had been ingrained into my mind for my entire life were still there, in the back of my mind, telling me that maybe there were more important, fulfilling things out there. It was like this battle in my mind, and I couldn’t put my whole heart into the running and maintaining of my home.
The Lord has been opening up my heart, though, lately, and letting me see these contradicting thoughts for what they are. Confusing. They have hindered me from being a better wife to my husband, and a better mother to my children. I’m appreciative of the messages that our pastor has preached, and also for some of the thoughts and ideas put out by other Christian women in their blogs that I have been reading recently. I am thankful, and I am determined to be better. My family deserves more of me. My faith and my God require more of me.
So, I just wanted to share that. There really was no reason behind writing that here, where other people are reading what I write, other than that is what I have been thinking about. That’s what my blog is for anyway…me talking about what’s going on in my head. So, anyway. I’m through. Have a nice day!