In my favorite poem by Robert Frost, Nothing Gold Can Stay, he reminds us that like the seasons of nature, life is one season melting into another, and quickly fading away. This is my attempt to document each season in my life and my family.

An Open Letter to Everyone

Filed under: Family,Friends,General,Loss,Love,Me,Venting — Rachel at 12:33 pm on Monday, June 24, 2013

Life has taken such a drastic turn for me. I know I’ve shocked a lot of people. It has been a huge shock to my system, and I knew it was coming!

Amy and I broke up.

Wait. Just a minute. Let me tell you up front what I want you to say. If you are a friend or family member or just someone who has cared about me at some point in my life, you are supposed to say, “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” It doesn’t matter if you liked us together. It doesn’t matter if you think it is weird, gross, or even a sin to be in a same-sex relationship. If you care about me, that is what you say. It’s not hard. It’s not complicated. It’s not saying that you aren’t filled with joy that my relationship ended, because I know some of you are. It is saying, “I am sorry that someone I care about is sad.”

Because I am. I am heartbroken. So is she. I may put on a brave face. I just smile at people’s jackassery and move on. Because I am strong. I don’t break when times are tough. But I am hurting, people, and the jokes and the snide comments don’t make me feel loved. They do the exact opposite, and I don’t need that right now, to be quite honest with you.

Amy is still my best friend. We are still going to live together and be roommates. We still love each other dearly. The only reason we broke up is because I’m not gay. I know that’s not a newsflash for a lot of people. I thought we could make it work without that piece of the compatibility puzzle, but it was becoming more of an issue as time went on. So we decided to end the romantic part of our relationship to save the other parts. We didn’t fight. No one is mad at anyone. So, when you say mean stuff about her, I don’t feel validated. I just want to punch you in your face. When you make jokes about “getting rid of dead weight”, I want to castrate you with a cheese grater. Just shut up. You’re not funny.

The truth of the matter is that I would not have survived the last couple of years without her. I needed Amy, and she needed me. She got me through the worst time of my life. She gave me hope when I was hopeless. She held me when I cried. Held my hair when I was sick. Held my baby when I was working. She has shared the load. She has taken on the world with me, and we are doing okay. We never asked for your validation when we were together, and we don’t need your judgments or jokes now that we’re not. We have made it this far, and we will make it the rest of the way…wherever our journeys take us. I, for one, don’t regret our decision to try to make a life together. I regret that meanness and bigotry have hurt so much along the way. I regret that I couldn’t make it work. But I don’t regret the last year of my life.

So, for those of you who care about me…

Amy and I broke up.

6 Comments »

Comment by Becky

June 24, 2013 @ 12:56 pm

I’m so sorry you’re both hurting. I am glad you still have each other, in whatever way works for you. I hope the hurt passes soon and that you both find happiness. You deserve it. <3

Comment by Bonnie Lowery

June 24, 2013 @ 1:01 pm

Rachel, I love you no matter what girl. No person needs to be neg. I know all about people doing that kind of stuff. It hurts every one. You mean a lot me and that will keep on for me.Amy is a sweet person and tell her I said that no one needs to be saying hurtful things to any one.Hey you never no what is around the corner for your family. So best to keep that kind of comment to yourself. love you…..

Comment by Rachel

June 24, 2013 @ 3:03 pm

Comments via Facebook:

JoAnn Champion: I like the style and honesty with which you wrote this. Be strong. Smile. Love, in any form, is never wrong. It’s a gift.

Melissa Beach: I am thinking about both of you! I know this has been hard on you both! Keep your chin up! You cannot help how you feel about this! In relation to same sex relationships..Hugs!

Debbie Hunsaker: I had no idea all the ugliness you were dealing with. How hard on an already fragile heart. Love you all. I’m praying as always.

Tristin Burke: Screw anyone that dares to makes jokes about this time in your life. Screw anyone who judges you or gives you the “I told you so” about your sexuality. ITS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS and EVERYONE is entitle to go through the process of finding themselves. You were married young and never really had the opportunity to find out who you are. I know because I did the same thing. Just because your journey didn’t have the same outcome as mine, doesn’t mean that it was pointless. Bottom line is that you learned something about yourself during the journey and that is what matters. Dude. This pissed me off. If you need ANYTHING, you have my number.

Amber Imperius: I’m glad you guys are able to make hard decisions and still be there for each other. I pray that the friendship you both treasure will come through this fire whole and strengthened.

Cindy Ross: I don’t understand how harsh, ugly remarks are supposed to help. Whether or not someone agrees with your decisions it’s your life and your choice. Love and prayer are the only things that make a difference. I’m your friend no matter what and I have been and will continue to be praying for you and Amy both. I just met her once but she seemed like a sweet person. No matter what flawed people say let a perfect Jesus love you and help you heal and guide you. Get in touch if you need a friend.

Comment by Rachel Wright

June 24, 2013 @ 4:46 pm

I am not good at things like this, I am afraid whatever I say will come out wrong and not be what I meant to say. So instead of saying something stupid and putting my foot in my mouth I will just offer you a long comforting internet hug. ((((((((((((((((((((((((Rachel)))))))))))))))))))))))))) so you will know that I love the person you are, and I care that you are hurting.

Comment by Ramona

June 25, 2013 @ 6:09 am

Well written, Rachel. Love you both and praying for you both.

Comment by Jeff

July 18, 2013 @ 4:58 am

I came upon this in the somewhat random way we do sometimes, hopping about the Internet.

Two thoughts.

One: I wish you both the best, and I’m sorry. And I don’t need to ask if you’re OK, because I can see based on the way you have written this that you are, and you will continue to be, OK. More than OK.

Two: I love that Frost poem as well. And it may be worth considering that Frost calls to mind not only that spring fades to winter, or that dawn goes down to day, but that these are cycles. Spring will return. Dawn will return. These are the ceaseless cycles of life.

Well written. And I wish you well.

- Some Random Guy Named Jeff

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