Life has taken such a drastic turn for me. I know I’ve shocked a lot of people. It has been a huge shock to my system, and I knew it was coming!
Amy and I broke up.
Wait. Just a minute. Let me tell you up front what I want you to say. If you are a friend or family member or just someone who has cared about me at some point in my life, you are supposed to say, “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” It doesn’t matter if you liked us together. It doesn’t matter if you think it is weird, gross, or even a sin to be in a same-sex relationship. If you care about me, that is what you say. It’s not hard. It’s not complicated. It’s not saying that you aren’t filled with joy that my relationship ended, because I know some of you are. It is saying, “I am sorry that someone I care about is sad.”
Because I am. I am heartbroken. So is she. I may put on a brave face. I just smile at people’s jackassery and move on. Because I am strong. I don’t break when times are tough. But I am hurting, people, and the jokes and the snide comments don’t make me feel loved. They do the exact opposite, and I don’t need that right now, to be quite honest with you.
Amy is still my best friend. We are still going to live together and be roommates. We still love each other dearly. The only reason we broke up is because I’m not gay. I know that’s not a newsflash for a lot of people. I thought we could make it work without that piece of the compatibility puzzle, but it was becoming more of an issue as time went on. So we decided to end the romantic part of our relationship to save the other parts. We didn’t fight. No one is mad at anyone. So, when you say mean stuff about her, I don’t feel validated. I just want to punch you in your face. When you make jokes about “getting rid of dead weight”, I want to castrate you with a cheese grater. Just shut up. You’re not funny.
The truth of the matter is that I would not have survived the last couple of years without her. I needed Amy, and she needed me. She got me through the worst time of my life. She gave me hope when I was hopeless. She held me when I cried. Held my hair when I was sick. Held my baby when I was working. She has shared the load. She has taken on the world with me, and we are doing okay. We never asked for your validation when we were together, and we don’t need your judgments or jokes now that we’re not. We have made it this far, and we will make it the rest of the way…wherever our journeys take us. I, for one, don’t regret our decision to try to make a life together. I regret that meanness and bigotry have hurt so much along the way. I regret that I couldn’t make it work. But I don’t regret the last year of my life.
So, for those of you who care about me…
Amy and I broke up.