In my favorite poem by Robert Frost, Nothing Gold Can Stay, he reminds us that like the seasons of nature, life is one season melting into another, and quickly fading away. This is my attempt to document each season in my life and my family.

From My Journal

Filed under: Love,Random Thoughts — Rachel at 12:07 am on Monday, December 28, 2009

There’s so much more.

I am realizing lately, more than ever, that there is so much more to life than this. So much more to Christianity than this. So much more to following Christ than this.

This. This apathy. This complacency. This settling for less than what Jesus came to bring us. He died for more than this!

He called us to love one another. He said that should be what sets us apart…our identifying characteristic…that we love. We love Him. We love others. We love.

But we don’t.

I am so very aware of my own shortcomings right now. I’ve been reading about God’s love lately, in the books “The Furious Longing of God” and “Crazy Love”. About His love for us, and His command to give out His love to others. Without reciprocation. Without praise. Without thanks. Without recognition. We are to love. But we don’t.

But I don’t.

I laid on my face today and asked God to change me…to help me love. To help me follow Him. To cleanse my heart and make me new and pure. To help me to love Him. I know that I can’t love Him without Him giving me the love to give back to Him. There is no good in me without Him.

I’m tired of offering Him filthy rags. I want Him. I want more of Him. I want to be so full of Him that people notice. I read the entire book of James last night, after Chris went to sleep. “Faith without works is dead.” My version of Christianity makes me sick. How does He feel about it? I’m so self-centered…so worried about everything except the business that He wants me to be about. Father, help me!

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