I went to the Ear, Nose, Throat (ENT) doctor today for a CT scan and a follow up appointment. I had went to the ENT a little over a month ago because of this chronic sinus infection that wouldn’t die. My biggest complaint was face pain. She used a scope to look around inside of my head…up my nose and into my sinuses…and prescribed thirty days’ worth of antibiotics, steroids, and a nasal steroid spray. This was the third round of antibiotics since I first started experiencing symptoms back about June. For the first twenty days or so, my symptoms only got worse. Then, on about day twenty-two, all hell broke loose in my sinuses. I. Thought. I. Would. Die. I had the worse eye and face pain ever. My throat felt like I had swallowed a handful of broken glass, and all manner of unholy drainage was going on. It felt like I had bones breaking loose in my face.

I finished up the antibiotics a few days ago, and the worst of the drainage had passed. Now, I’m mostly dealing with a bad cough. I was wondering if everything would be all better when I went back to the ENT today.

As soon as I got there, they did the CT scan, which was quick and painless. I was worried about having to take out my nosering. It had only been out once, and that was a painful, bloody experience.  Today, however, it was slightly tricky but not traumatic. For that, I was thankful.

After the CT scan, I went into a room and waited on the doctor. This doctor is not like any doctor I’ve ever dealt with before. Do you remember the chick that played Sally in the sitcom, Third Rock From The Sun? Dr. Miley looks just like that. She’s big, but not fat at all. She’s just big. And pretty. And has the same husky voice as Sally did. That’s not what makes her different, though. She’s very…something. She is not friendly, but she’s not unfriendly. She’s not comforting, but she’s not alarming. She doesn’t smile, yet she doesn’t look unpleasant. I’m not sure how I feel about her. She’s definitely all business. I had Abby with me last time, and she didn’t even smile at her. It’s obvious why she’s not a pediatrician. She just looked at Abby as if she were merely an interesting specimen that showed up in her exam room. But I digress…

So, Dr. Miley walks in the room, sits on her doctor stool, looks me in the eye, and says, “You need sinus surgery.”

I said, “Ok.”

I wondered if that was all.

She just looked at me.

I looked at her.

Finally, I asked, “What’s wrong with me?”

“You have chronic sinus disease.”

“What’s that?”

I don’t even remember how she explained it, but, apparently, I have very inflamed sinuses, one or more polyps in my sinuses, and a deviated septum. She said that she would do endoscopic surgery to go up through my nose and remove stuff and fix stuff and do a septoplasty. That’s about all I got. She said there would be all manner of nastiness when I woke up. Well, she said something about packing my sinuses and putting something in my nose? I dunno. Sounds like nastiness to me. She said one of the most common complications after surgery is nosebleeds. That’s always fun.

So, after I left, I googled “sinus surgery” to see what I could learn. Then, I googled “deviated septum”, because that sounded fun. You know what the most common cause of deviated septum is?  Impact trauma…such as a blow to the face. When I read that, I had a mental slideshow of childhood blows to the face. The images slowed down and stopped on this snapshot. Me, about eleven years old, in the entryway to my parent’s house…one of my brothers had just punched me in the nose…blood was gushing everywhere. The only problem with my mental snapshot…I can’t remember which brother hit me.

Aaron…Jason…Malachi…one of you hath deviated mine septum. Let me know where I should send the bill.